Do You Remember Me?

It’s been three years since I was laid off and although I’ve found another job (for the time being anyway) and have (somewhat) gotten over it, there’s a question I’d like to ask my former bosses and co-workers:

Do you remember me?

…or am I just another nameless, faceless former colleague who was let go while you stay employed and so the company could still stay in business?

I haven’t reached out to many of my former co-workers very much. Too much resentment (on my part) and awkwardness (perhaps on their part). It’s a sticky situation for all involved and I must be mindful of that. While I can badmouth my former workplace to other colleagues who were laid off, it’s a bit trickier to do so with those still employed there. They may feel some measure of loyalty to the company and don’t want to hear anything negative about it. I have to be respectful of that. For that reason, I’ve kept my distance and would not badmouth my former company to anyone still working there. 

The few times recently when I did reach out to former colleagues still employed at my former company via Facebook, the response has been, well, underwhelming. I’ve gotten no response at all, to be honest; a resounding thud of silence. I thought I was back in junior high. In fact, two former colleagues un-friended me on Facebook?!

Not sure why. What did I do to them? Did my getting laid off to save their jobs somehow offend them? I have never mentioned anyone by name and never will in this blog. So what did I do to make them turn their back on me?

I have also never badmouthed my former company on Facebook. The only time I contacted my former boss was to tell him a former colleague plagiarized an article I wrote. Looking back, if I had to do it again, I wouldn’t have done what I did. But the person in question got another job and appears to be doing fine. The whole incident had nothing to do with anyone else who still works there. Why treat me like a leper?

Would they feel uncomfortable talking to me? They don’t have to. I don’t hold what happened to me against them. (Well, except for the head of the company, a thoroughly despicable person devoid any redeeming qualities.) Perhaps it would help my healing process if I did hear from them from time to time. Apparently, they do not wish to do so and I can’t force them.

It's sad. For years, I exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts with these people, attended their bridal showers. Now? I'm nonexistent to them.

And another question occurs to me:

Was it all worth it?

Did all those layoffs done in the name of saving the company really save the company? Yes, my former workplace is still in business and people are still employed there. But it’s doubtful the company is wildly profitable. No company is in our industry.

My former boss used to say, “We want to thrive, not just survive.” What an idiotic saying. Well, it doesn’t look like the company is thriving. From what I can see from the outside, management is doing everything they can just to hang on by their fingernails. It’s barely surviving. They are too busy saving themselves and their lapdogs to find new sources of revenue or do anything innovative to expand the company. 

But I’m glad that people I once worked with whom I liked and respected and who did good work are still employed there.

Further, the former head of the parent company of our company lost his job. So did hacking away at our department ultimately save his job? No.

And what about all of us who were let go? Don’t we deserve a bit of acknowledgement for our hardships? Some of us have gotten jobs and are doing fairly well. Others are still struggling. One lady had to sell her home. Some were near retirement age and with no hope of getting another job have managed to patch together an income.

So you can understand why when I was told I was let go to save the company I was royally pissed off. That’s hollow comfort to us, or anybody who has been laid off.

I don’t think anyone of us who were let go was treated fairly. We were just unlucky to no longer be of use to our bosses. But as the hoary cliché goes, that is neither here nor there. What is done is done.

Yet I would remind my former bosses that just because you have the right to make staff cuts doesn’t mean that it is the right decision. Are you so sure the people you kept on staff were the best people for those jobs? Or were you simply judging by salary and favoritism?

It was clear the company was struggling financially. But as a long-time employee, maybe I would have liked to be a part of the company’s revival by staying on during the tough times. Instead, I was seen as nothing more than an impediment to the company’s future. I was worthless to them.

And it pains me still to think that other people with less experience in the industry and fewer years at the company were retained while I was kicked to the curb. My self-confidence will never recover from that blow.

It’s easy for those who have never been laid off or whose jobs were saved during massive layoffs to dismiss our feelings as nothing more than bitterness and sour grapes. To them I say, Wait till it happens to you.

And I’d also like to ask them, without any bitterness or resentment:

Do you remember me?

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Life…

Hurricane Sandy. Superstorm Sandy. A tropical storm on steroids. The biggest storm to ever hit the metro New York City area and New Jersey.

By whatever name, Sandy lived up to the hype. I should know. I live in the area Sandy crushed. It whacked the Jersey Shore, Staten Island and parts of Queens like a mob hit in broad daylight.

I was without power for a week, and I was woefully underprepared for it, like many others. But I’ll leave the “I told you so’s” to my bossy older sister.

If I had had a full tank of gas, I would have hightailed it to my sister's house in Pennsylvania, which escaped the storm’s wrath. Alas, I didn’t and so I stuck it out in my cold, dark apartment.

But I was so much more fortunate than others who lost everything. My roof held (despite a thrashing from a neighbor’s tree) and I was able to heat some canned soup and could take a shower. My greatest hardship was having to trash a refrigerator full of groceries. Irksome only because my Italian heritage hates to see food go to waste. But several stores in town were open so I was able to eat.

Since I’m a tech dinosaur, I still have a land line that miraculously worked. I did become something of a charging station zombie, going from one place to another to charge my smart phone…my only connection to the outside world (although I was glad to see I wasn’t the last person on earth to get a smart phone).

It was, to say the least, disconcerting and sometimes depressing. I spent way too much time thinking back to when my college boyfriend dumped me, and rather brutally, too. He and his crew of friends tore me to shreds for whatever reason I'll never know. Not good for the soul.

The whole experience also got me thinking about how we react when our daily routine is suddenly, and through no fault of our own, torn asunder.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we humans are creatures of habit. We like the routine of going to work, shopping on certain days, watching our favorite TV shows, having a roof over our heads. But we hesitate to confess that because it makes us seem, well, rather dull and boring. We should embrace change and be spontaneous, right?

However, I think when people talk about change they mean the good kind of change, the change that is self-generated: You quit your job for another better one; you decide to leave a relationship; you pack up and move of your own accord. Or you win the lottery. That’s the good kind of change.

What they don’t mean is when a storm leaves you without power or worse, homeless. Or when you get laid off and are jobless for a long stretch. Or when your partner leaves you. That's a change you didn't want or ask for.

When that kind of change happens, we are left feeling helpless, frustrated, sometimes depressed and downright cranky. (I only broke down once when I complained to a utility person. She hung up on me. Otherwise, I was pretty calm.)

We like to think we are in control of our fate, but, sadly, we are not. We cannot predict how severely a storm will hit our homes, or when our bosses will decide to terminate us for economic reasons (or whatever reason they can think of).

Nevertheless, we like to feel like we are in control and perhaps having a daily routine gives us a sense of comfort that we have a good life that nobody or nothing can take away from us. That if we do a good job, our companies will keep us. That if we are good people, the people we care for won’t hurt us.

Sorry if I’m getting too sentimental and philosophical. But I do believe that we thrive when we do have a routine. A life of constant change would be too chaotic to endure for very long. We all need some semblance of stability.

Yes, we do like to change it up a bit. We go on vacations. But when we return from the tropics or a trip around Tuscany, think how good we feel when we get back home and get to sleep in our own bed again.

Yet even when harsh change is forced upon us, we find a way to survive. Eventually, we find another job or another way of making ends meet. We brave another relationship even after somebody has hurt us.

And homes will be rebuilt, although not as swiftly as we’d like. The Jersey Shore will be restored and come back the way it always was: lovely (in its own way), a bit tacky and a heck of a lot of fun; it truly is the soul of the state.

When I was sitting in my dark and cold apartment, I would curse myself for not being better prepared. But now I’m kind of proud that I did stick it out. That I made it through a tough time, just like I did when I was laid off and found another job.

So while my douchey former bosses and nasty ex-boyfriend may have wounded my soul, I still survived.

Although I don't think I'll be eating peanut butter or canned soup any time soon.

Bitterness is My Brand, Part 2

Maybe it’s because of the oncoming “Frankenstorm” in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast, maybe it’s because of the side effects of the antibiotic I’m taking that range from mild to you don’t want to know, or perhaps it’s because my job is making me an exhausted wreck, but I’m cranky, real cranky.

So what better time to whine about my layoff one more time…

Really, I’m getting over it little by little. But some days I think back to that day I was told to pack up my desk and leave or I get a picture in my mind of my former boss smirking and acting smug and I know he’s still there, well, I can’t help it, I get angry, real angry.

Perhaps it’s time I reveal why I’m so bitter so maybe you’ll understand.

I’m a cancer survivor. Been in remission since 2004, but is anyone truly cured of this terrible disease? It’s not something I like to talk about. Honestly, I’ve found that most people want to talk about their problems, not yours.

The cancer recurred twice, so I’ve had three major surgeries, the last one was one of the most radical a person can undergo. Yet every time, I healed and went back to work.

I even went to work every day when I was undergoing radiation and chemotherapy. I was tired and sick, but I put in a full day’s work. (OK, I had to go to the bathroom a lot, but I worked harder than most healthy people I know.)

Now, I’m not saying that my former company shouldn’t have let me go me because of my cancer. It was a business decision, right? No special treatment, right? No personal feelings or loyalty to our employees, right? It’s all about the bottom line, right?

But if my working during treatment for a serious illness didn’t engender any loyalty on the part of my former bosses, well, there wasn’t much more I could do for that godforsaken company, was there?

When I’ve mentioned how betrayed I felt when I was laid off even after dragging myself to work during cancer treatment, I’ve gotten mostly indifference.

Yet I don’t feel angry at my bosses so much as myself. What a fool I was!

I remember one time they took us to a skybox at old Shea Stadium (what a dump that place was, but oh, the memories!). Knowing my cheapo former bosses, they probably got some kind of a free deal to take us there.

When they flashed the name of our company on the giant scoreboard, I cheered. Every time I think of that, I get sick to my stomach. I cheered the very same company that I worked so hard for, for so many years, even during hellish cancer treatments, that eventually laid me off! What a stupid fool I was! What was I thinking?! Never again will I be that loyal or trusting of a company.

But, hey, who’s bitter?

Déjà vu All Over Again

Some things never change.

The day after our company-wide meeting, our CEO sent around a rather exasperated email in response to office gossip that more staff cuts were coming. He said there wouldn’t be, but surely he could understand why there would be talk of such things. After he clearly stated during the meeting that positions were being eliminated, it’s understandable other employees would think their jobs were in jeopardy as well. He was naïve to think there wouldn’t be office gossip about more layoffs, especially after so many have either experienced a job termination firsthand, or seen friends and relatives and co-workers laid off.

Yet, I think it’s unrealistic to think company brass is going to announce who is being cut during a company-wide meeting. Those people deserve privacy in such a personal, sensitive matter. Eventually, we will all find out.

(As a side note, one of the people who was let go was a woman who argued against my being hired…what goes around…)

And—and I can’t believe I’m saying this—I think the CEO was wrong to say no more layoffs were coming. Yes, on that day, no more staff cuts were planned. But what about six months from now? Economic conditions can change swiftly, and no CEO should make promises he cannot keep. I don’t want to lose my job or see anyone else lose theirs, but the reality is no one is immune from a layoff.

I recall three months before I was laid off being told by the head of the company that our jobs were safe. A month later he stopped talking to me, and a month after that, I was gone. Was I lied to? No, I don’t think so. I think at the time he believed what he told me. But then the head of the parent company ordered him to make cuts or the entire department was gone. And, well, you know what happened after that.

I will give this new CEO props for being as candid as he can be. At least he and upper management have a plan for the company, a vision. My previous company really didn’t have a proactive business plan or a blueprint to where the company should go. Therefore, they were always making moves in reaction to something else…the economy, what a competitor did, etc. Hence, they made panic moves, like cutting half the staff and killing products that were relatively profitable.

After having been through that experience, I wasn’t really upset by the swirling gossip about possible cuts. I have no reason to think at this date that my job will be eliminated. Maybe I just can't put myself through that emotional drain again. But who knows what will happen a month or six months from now? I also know that if management has targeted you for a layoff, there really isn’t much you can do to save yourself.

Will it be, like Yogi Berra said, déjà vu all over again?

Corporate Doublespeak

Just today, we had one of those company-wide meetings about the new direction the new corporate brain trust wants to take the company.

It can pretty much be summed up thusly, “Blah, blah, blah…consolidation…blah, blah, blah…more profits (we hope)…blah, blah, blah.”

Now, I’m not complaining. At least this company and the new CEO are more open and candid than my other workplace and its executives who were so secretive they would make the KGB look like a girls’ night out.

Nevertheless, there is only so much they are going to say outright. And basically, as workers, we only want to know two things:

1. Will we be getting raises and bonuses this year so I can buy that new jumbo flat-screen TV and move to a new apartment? 
2. Is my job being cut?

Somebody actually asked about staff reductions and to my surprise the executives were fairly candid…up to a point.

They said they wanted to grow the company not downsize. However, later they said because of the new direction/strategy, positions will be eliminated and people will be let go. So which is it? Typical corporate doublespeak.

I understand they were not going to say the names of the people who are about to be let go during a company-wide meeting. Yet judging from my own experience, those people probably already have an inkling of their fate.

They did say those poor sops were going to be treated respectfully. Nice to know. Still, it’s never comforting to know your company is contemplating layoffs (although they will never use that word.) And it's sad for employees to learn that the job they were hired for and did well for so many years is no longer of use for the company. They did nothing wrong, but are being let go because of a business strategy that has no guarantee of success.

At least I can take some solace that by being cut, the jobs of certain people I liked and respected were saved. Not that those bloody ingrates will ever acknowledge it.

It also got me thinking…Which is worse: To lose your job because of a nebulous corporate strategy that may or may not boost profits? Or to lose your job because of a bad economy and stupid bosses who wouldn’t know a business strategy if it bought them a drink in a bar?

The answer? It really doesn’t matter. You are out of a job and no amount of corporate doublespeak is going to make that better.

The Corporation Made Me Do It

Back in the ‘60s there was a TV show called “Laugh In.” (Yes, I’m that old.) It was basically a quick comedy-sketch show; think of “Saturday Night Live” on speed. It was also the show that launched Goldie Hawn’s career.

The program spawned a number of popular catch phrases, like Here comes the judge! Another one was, The devil made me do it.

In 2012, I think we can change that to, The Corporation Made Me Do It. Because in our No-Fault times, somebody else is always to blame for our failings, be it cheating, deliberately hurting another person, or running a company into the ground and having to lay off scores of workers.

Soon after I was laid off, an acquaintance who gave me freelance work told me my former boss told him that he really didn’t want to lay me off. The implication being that somebody else higher up in the company forced him to do it. In other words, The Corporation Made Me Do It.

Well, as my late mother would say, bull throw.

I’m sure our parent company told him to cut staff and products, but it was up to him and the other managers to decide who stayed and who was cut. From what I saw, they pretty much kept their drinking buddies and handpicked lapdogs.

He could have kept me if he wanted. But he chose to keep another editor with less seniority and less experience in the industry. Why? Because she is, like him, a heavy drinker and somebody he knew would never question his edicts.

The whole thing stinks of what Jacqueline on the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” calls blame shifting. Like blaming a bad economy for layoffs. Or too much regulation...or my mother was a bitch. Somebody or something else is always to blame for our failures. It's time we took responsibility for our actions and accept the consequences. 

Yes, the recession forced a lot of companies to cut staff. But not all did. My former boss was too busy going to happy hours to figure out a way to save the company. When the economy crashed, he simply took the easy way out and cut staff.

Yet simply cutting staff only eliminates expenses; it doesn’t automatically make a company profitable.

And if a company like the one I used to work for depended on advertising revenue, why not try to find new sources of revenue? Or perhaps what they really needed was new ad salespeople.

But, no, only one low-level salesperson was let go. The blithering idiot who is supposed to be the head of sales was kept because–you guessed it—he was the boss’s favorite drinking buddy.

There is also this theory that it is just as hard for companies to let go of workers and how painful it is for managers to let go of staff. Again, bull throw.

I can understand how it would be difficult to tell someone they are being laid off. But to equate it with what the dumped employee is going through is a stretch. For what is merely a bad hour or so in your day can lead to months and years of unemployment for the person you are terminating. There is no comparison. You still have a job, health insurance and the possibility of getting a raise.

And to act like we’re not supposed to be upset about it is also unrealistic.

But I’d like to tell you a God’s-honest, swear on my parent’s gravesite true story. The head of the parent company of my former workplace used to write a blog. Soon after I and others were laid off, there was an item about the cuts in one of those media gossip sites. (I didn’t give them the information, but my former boss blamed me anyway.)

Someone in the larger company saw the item and commented about it in the CEO’s blog, asking if cuts were coming in her department, too. (Such empathy! I mean, who cares about the poor slobs who were laid off. What about me?)

The CEO wrote back that no one else was going to get laid off. (Whew!) That our department was hard hit by the economy and he was sorry to see so many talented people let go.

Oh, yes, by all means, dump the talented workers and keep the morons.

But that isn’t what bothered me the most. What really irked me was his false sympathy for us, the people he threw out of jobs. He obviously didn’t care. He wanted to get rid of the entire department, which sent my immediate boss into a panic of willy-nilly staff cuts to save himself and his drinking buddies.

Like my boss, he wanted to protect his larger part of the company, which wasn’t doing very well financially either. It must be grand to get other people to take the fall so you can save yourself and don't have to assume responsibility for your poor decisions. My former boss is still there. Any other CEO who presided over the near collapse of a company would have been long gone.

Ah, but there is the Rule of Karma. About two years ago, that CEO resigned from the company. No specific reason was given (there never is), but it was pretty obvious he was forced out because the company was doing poorly.

So what goes around, comes around…

The Firing Season

Ah, fall. A time of tumbling orange leaves, pumpkins and apple cider, tweed and corduroy, cooler weather (except somebody forgot to tell the humidity here in the mid-Atlantic), and football (go Jets!).

It’s a time of crisp bright days that seem to close in as the daylight sneaks out earlier and earlier.

It’s also a time of hurricanes and mass layoffs.

It’s true. Nearly every time my former company undertook layoffs it was during the fall season, usually around Thanksgiving (as was the case with my sister), or in my case, Christmas.

It makes sense: The All White Males Club at every company is currently budgeting for next year. What better time to get expenses down by laying off employees now so they don’t have to pay them into the new year.

So watch the employment numbers that come out in the next few months. Don’t be surprised if the unemployment rolls suddenly spike.

I used to love the fall. It was always my favorite season; never could get adjusted to the heat of summer or driving in snow in winter.

Now, while I welcome the cooler temps, I wonder and worry: Will it happen again this year? Will I be one of the workers deemed expendable by my employer?

Because although autumn has many admirable qualities, it does portend that winter is coming.

And it just may be a long, cold winter for many of us.