Bitterness is My Brand, Part 2

Maybe it’s because of the oncoming “Frankenstorm” in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast, maybe it’s because of the side effects of the antibiotic I’m taking that range from mild to you don’t want to know, or perhaps it’s because my job is making me an exhausted wreck, but I’m cranky, real cranky.

So what better time to whine about my layoff one more time…

Really, I’m getting over it little by little. But some days I think back to that day I was told to pack up my desk and leave or I get a picture in my mind of my former boss smirking and acting smug and I know he’s still there, well, I can’t help it, I get angry, real angry.

Perhaps it’s time I reveal why I’m so bitter so maybe you’ll understand.

I’m a cancer survivor. Been in remission since 2004, but is anyone truly cured of this terrible disease? It’s not something I like to talk about. Honestly, I’ve found that most people want to talk about their problems, not yours.

The cancer recurred twice, so I’ve had three major surgeries, the last one was one of the most radical a person can undergo. Yet every time, I healed and went back to work.

I even went to work every day when I was undergoing radiation and chemotherapy. I was tired and sick, but I put in a full day’s work. (OK, I had to go to the bathroom a lot, but I worked harder than most healthy people I know.)

Now, I’m not saying that my former company shouldn’t have let me go me because of my cancer. It was a business decision, right? No special treatment, right? No personal feelings or loyalty to our employees, right? It’s all about the bottom line, right?

But if my working during treatment for a serious illness didn’t engender any loyalty on the part of my former bosses, well, there wasn’t much more I could do for that godforsaken company, was there?

When I’ve mentioned how betrayed I felt when I was laid off even after dragging myself to work during cancer treatment, I’ve gotten mostly indifference.

Yet I don’t feel angry at my bosses so much as myself. What a fool I was!

I remember one time they took us to a skybox at old Shea Stadium (what a dump that place was, but oh, the memories!). Knowing my cheapo former bosses, they probably got some kind of a free deal to take us there.

When they flashed the name of our company on the giant scoreboard, I cheered. Every time I think of that, I get sick to my stomach. I cheered the very same company that I worked so hard for, for so many years, even during hellish cancer treatments, that eventually laid me off! What a stupid fool I was! What was I thinking?! Never again will I be that loyal or trusting of a company.

But, hey, who’s bitter?