The Lady in the Green Dress

I saw you on Thursday, as I was coming in from my morning jog. You were wearing a sleeveless green dress in a fit-and-flair style (fitted in the bodice, then flowing out into an A-line skirt). Green is my favorite color, so it caught my eye.

You were striding so purposefully to work on a blissfully warn but not humid summer morning. At least, I think you were going to work. Why else would you be dressed so nicely, and at an hour when most employed people are heading off to their job? Though these days, with relaxed office dress codes, it’s hard sometimes to tell if someone is going to work or a backyard barbecue. (Ripped jeans to work? Really?)

I wasn’t sure if you were walking to your car to drive to work, or to the bus stop to wait for that lumbering transport that herky-jerks into the city. Yet I could tell by your path you were walking in the direction of the bus stop that stands along the main drag in town.

Ah, then I saw you were wearing running shoes. You were definitely going into the city. When I worked in the city, I’d often wear comfortable shoes for the long walks to and from the bus station to my office or to the subway that carried me to my office and then back home again.

I used to keep a nicer pair of shoes in my desk. Once I arrived at my office, I’d take off my walking shoes and slip on the fancier ones. After I was told I was laid off, I packed up those shoes, took them home, and deposited them in my closet. Don’t need to wear them much anymore.

Don’t have much of a need for work clothes now, either (though I was never much of a dress wearer). My designated work clothes hang forlornly in my closet, taken out only for the occasional job interview. Rare events that have so far failed to net me a job.

I used to take pride in having a relatively presentable work wardrobe. Now, I’m not sure I’ll ever wear such clothes again.

Or that I’ll ever again be like the lady in the green dress, striding purposefully to work in the morning.

Buddy, You’re Next

If you haven’t seen the movie Logan’s Run, a sci-fi film released in 1976, I suggest you rent it. It’s a hoot.

It stars one of my favorite English actors, Michael York. It was also billed as Farrah Fawcett’s first major film role. Though as I recall, she had about three lines before she and her hairdo were blown to bits.

Many are the reasons to watch it: it’s awesomely cheesy special effects (compared to today’s CGI extravaganzas), drapey, barely there ‘70s-era fashions, and prescient messages.

In what way was it prescient? Well, for starters, it presaged Tinder. (The movie is set in the 23rd century.) Specifically, the Michael York character meets his leading lady via some sort of hook-up service in which if a person were feeling a bit lonely or horny he or she just dialed up a partner (a stranger) for the evening. Don’t remember clearly how this happened, but it was something like when one of the Star Trek characters was beamed down to another planet. All very convenient, like having takeout delivered to your door.

That isn’t what makes this movie relevant to today, however. What does is the movie’s basic plot, which is that all people in this futuristic society must die by age 30. They are exterminated, in fact. Some people rebel, and they are chased and caught.

Why do I cite this movie? What relevance does it have to today’s society? Because every time I read an article about how older workers are disappearing from the workforce, whenever I hear former colleagues my age tell me no company will hire them; each time I get a rejection email, I’m reminded of Logan’s Run.

Oh, no, we’re not killing people over age 55, at least not overtly. Instead, companies are terminating older workers through layoffs, indirectly and slowly killing them by denying them access to employer-sponsored or affordable health care. How many unemployed workers who have exhausted unemployment benefits can pay for COBRA or even premiums (and those high deductibles—ouch!) under Obamacare? Not many. I should know; I’ll be one of them soon.

Without health care, older, unemployed workers forgo routine tests that could possibly detect and treat a serious illness at an early stage. So I do believe that by laying off older workers in droves, companies are condemning them to a premature death. But don’t take my word for it; it’s been proven.

I’m also reminded of Logan’s Run whenever I enter an office for a job interview; when I’m greeted by a sea of dewy faces yet to crack their 35th birthday. Seriously, if a recent college grad cannot find a job, it’s because he or she isn’t really trying, prefers to work part-time, or has a trust fund.

The reasons are pretty obvious: Employers covet young people for their (supposed) tech skills and low salaries.

It’s not only obvious in companies’ hiring practices, but their lay-off policies as well. At my former former workplace, anyone who had been there 10 years or more was laid off. At my former workplace, five of us were laid off; four were over 50. What does that tell you?

It tells you that when upper management decides to cut salaries and expenses, they target older, veteran employees who are mostly likely pulling down a fairly high salary (or whatever they deem a too-high salary). Therefore, it’s out with the “expensive” old and in with the “cheap” new.

I not only saw this happen to former colleagues, but I was personally a victim of this shameful practice. When I was let go from my former former workplace after 16-plus years, I was essentially replaced by a younger colleague (who later plagiarized my work).

Even more recently, a former boss at my former former workplace was laid off after being with the company for over 25 years. Now, I didn’t like the guy; he was a total douchebag who was personally behind a lot of layoffs (including mine). Personal feelings aside, however, this was a man who worked for that godforsaken place for over 25 years. He conceived and launched the best and most successful product in the company’s history (though that’s not saying much considering the mediocre output of that horrid place). Like me, he was maneuvered out of the company by a younger colleague (a nasty boozy bitch) who wanted him gone.

So anyone who doesn’t think U.S. companies are dumping older workers is simply not paying attention.

Know who else should really be paying attention? It’s the 40- or 50-something middle managers that interview me for jobs. Every time they walk into the room, I can see it in their faces: “Oh, no, we can’t hire her. She’s too old. She’ll want too much money.”

I’m not angry with them for thinking this way. But I am a bit bemused and befuddled by their attitude.

What makes them think they are immune to the same fate as so many others? Oh, no, they are too competent and smart, they smirk to themselves. They’ve been with the company for so long. They are too vital to its operations. “I would never be laid off,” they must smugly think to themselves.

Oh, you think that, do you? Well, I’m here to tell you are wrong, wrong, wrong! Only a delusional fool or a class A narcissist would think like that.

What makes you think you are so special? When a company decides it must cut expenses, the first place it looks at is salaries. No matter how good an employee you are, no matter how many years you have toiled for a company, if you have a higher salary, you will be cut and replaced by a younger, cheaper worker. Just like that. With no warning. It has nothing to do with you; it’s all about the bottom line. Shockingly swift is your descent from valued employee to corporate refuse.

What makes me even angrier is that this is clearly and blatantly age discrimination. Companies are not even trying to hide it. Why should they? What do they have to fear? No government agency is doing anything to stop it, and it’s rarely mentioned except in a few news articles. Companies can always argue that an older worker’s production is no longer up to snuff, or that an older applicant didn’t have the right skills. Age discrimination suits are notoriously hard to prove.

What of the young people? To them I say this: Enjoy your career while you can. Stuff your 401(k) or IRA with as much coin as you can, while you can. Because you see, your work life has an expiration date. It’s about, I’d say, age 55, or thereabouts. Oh, sure, you'll live to 89, but your work life ends at 55. Good luck funding that retirement.

Your employer may adore you and your cut-rate salary now. But what happens when you start to move up the corporate ladder and demand a higher wage so you can get married, buy a house, start a family, and finally pay off those student loans for chrissakes. Or when you want enough earnings so you can send your kids to college. Just when all your hard work and experience is paying off, when you finally know what you are doing in your chosen profession, and maybe, just maybe you can enjoy a comfortable life…you will be taken into a room and told to clean out your desk and leave. You will be trashed to the dustbin and replaced by the next wave of 22-year-olds that have the tech skills employers covet and who are willing to work for a measly salary.

So to all those young people who are taking jobs I could easily do with a hand tied behind my back, or those middle-aged middle managers that routinely reject me for employment, I say this:

Buddy, you’re next.

There Are No Second Chances in Job Hunting

Searching for a job after a layoff can be frustrating, demeaning, depressing and downright frightening. It can also be outright wacky.

This bizarreness was in full bloom when I received a call from a recruiter this week. He left a message on my phone saying he had seen my resume on Monster (yeah, I know, too desperate, right?) and thought I would be a good fit for a job for which he was recruiting candidates.

Of course, I returned his call and left a message for him to call me back. What did I have to lose? However, that same day, while scanning a job board, I noticed a job ad placed by that same recruiter. I looked at the job description. Hmmm…it looked very similar to a job I had applied for back in April through another recruiter. It was the same job I had interviewed for but then was told the company was going with two other stronger candidates.

The recruiter called me back. He started to explain the job to me and I quickly interrupted. “Is this_______________?” I asked. Yes, he answered.

I then told him of my experience back in April. How I had gone through another recruiter; was told the hiring manager was “excited” about my background; and even met with my prospective boss for an interview. It ended when I was told I wasn’t even a finalist for the job. Hey, companies have the right to select their employees.

I admit, I was upset for about a week, but got over it. So why is the company still looking to fill the position?

According to the second recruiter, he actually presented the two finalists. One of them was offered the job, but declined it when he took a higher paying offer. Hey, that’s his right. (I love it when companies get all hissy when a candidate rejects their offer or employees leave the fold. How often do companies hurl employees out of work en masse? Workers have rights, too, but companies want complete control over their employees.)

The company then declined to offer the job to the second finalist, which left the recruiter scratching his head.

Since I have nothing to lose at this point, I told the recruiter to put my name in the ring, though it’s extremely unlikely I would be considered as a candidate a second time. It's a Hail Mary Pass. Yet I figured, at the very least, I might find out why I was rejected for the job. The recruiter was sympathetic and told me not to doubt myself. Even he was mystified as to why the company spurned the second finalist.

I haven’t heard back from the second recruiter; doubtful I will. It’s time, as the song says to let it go, and move on.

From what the recruiter told me, the candidate the company decided to offer the job to did have more “analogous” experience, but it wasn’t that much greater than mine. If there were an advantage, it was razor thin.

After all, I was recruited the first time and went in for an interview. So I obviously had the background they sought for this job. The second recruiter wouldn’t have called me about the job unless he thought I was a suitable candidate. Remember, he gets paid when he successfully places a candidate. Frankly, I’m sick of being jerked around by this company. Told one minute I’m an attractive candidate, and then tossed aside with no explanation the next.

This happens more often than you’d think. A company offers a job to a candidate, who declines. Recently, I noticed an ad for a job I had applied for back in February. I even went in for a prized second interview, only to get the dreaded “we’ve decided to go with another candidate” email. Now they are looking to fill the same position once again. I can only surmise the candidate they originally offered the job to took a higher paying offer. That doesn’t surprise me; this particular company is notorious for only hiring recent college grads who think being paid $25,000 a year and living with five roommates is awesome. Oh, they would literally die…if Mom and Dad weren’t footing half their bills.

As I said in the beginning, hiring decisions can be wacky. Why was the company so hot to hire someone who was obviously using them to leverage a better payday while ignoring other just-as-qualified candidates who wanted to work for them? I guess it’s human nature, even in HR, to always want what we can’t have. Apparently, the blithering idiots who run this company only want to hire people who don't want to work for them.

I’m also left to wonder if my laid-off status had anything to do with the company discounting my candidacy. At the depth of the employment recession of 2010, numerous articles were written detailing how companies were rejecting laid-off workers outright even if they had the right qualifications. Is this despicable policy still in vogue?

Which is really hurtful, not only to the prospective employee but also to the company. Somebody who has been laid off is unlikely to use one job offer as maneuver to get another, better paying position. Indeed, we’re likely to take a cut in pay from our previous job. (I did.) I can only speak for myself, but I would take the first job offered to me at this point. Plus, laid-off workers can start work immediately. So there are advantages to hiring the long-term unemployed; not that companies think that way.

But should you reapply to a company that rejected you?

Perhaps it’s my rejection fatigue talking, but I wouldn’t reapply to a company that spurned me. It makes no sense. Whatever the reasons that propelled them to reject you in the first place — too high salary demands, too old, not the right qualifications, poor interview — are not going to magically revert in mere weeks and make the HR person change his or her mind.

There are no second chances in job hunting.

Trying to be Positive in a Negative Time

I was chatting with a good friend a few weeks ago, and of course, the subject of my unemployed status came up. Tedious, I know. I wish it weren’t so.

In essence, she told me to remember that I’m more than any job I do; that I’m a good person whether employed or not. Life is good! Be happy! You’re never fully dressed without a smile!

I nodded in agreement, but what I really wanted to say was, “Oh, yeah, I’ll remember that when I’m homeless and living on the street in my own feces.” No, I didn’t say that to her. She was trying to be nice and meant well, so I didn’t think it was the proper time to be snarky. (And boy oh boy, can I bring on the snark when I want.)

Try as I might and after reading many self-help treatises on staying positive in negative situations, I struggle on a daily basis to overcome the negative emotions brought on by job loss, the second in four years.

Going back to what my friend said: It’s true we should never wrap out entire self-image in our job and paycheck. We’d like to think our family and friends love us because we are good, kind people. And we are, no matter what some pinheaded former boss thinks of us.

Nevertheless, it’s equally true that our self-worth derives at least in part from out ability to use our skills and training to provide for our families and ourselves. When that is taken away from us, the terra firma we thought we stood on is shaken, if not by a full-on earthquake, then by an unsettling tremor. I always took pride in my ability to do a job well and support myself. Not anymore.

It’s easy for me to tell myself that I’ll get a job tomorrow, to be positive and confident; only to get the dreaded “we’ve decided to go with another candidate” email that feels like a sucker-punch to the gut.

Occasionally, I’ll read some plausible advice; like the article that instructed on how to frame difficult situations. For example, before I go to a job interview, instead of thinking, “Oh, I’ll never get hired for this job (yeah, I know),” I should think about how this is an opportunity to get a new job, learn new skills and perfect my job interview skills. I shouldn’t make it an all-or-nothing proposition (I get the job or not), but rather an opportunity. Even if I fail, I will have learned something in the process. I can do that.

I also read much about “living in the now.” Essentially, that means to forget about the painful past, which only makes you depressed, and stop thinking about a hazy future that has yet to materialize. That only makes you anxious. All you have is now, so make the best of it.

I understand that concept, somewhat. Yes, you can take small snippets of joy in daily life, like a leisurely walk on a lovely spring day or laughing when you hear a young boy cutely sassing his mother in the grocery store. But those are mere blips in a life that is overshadowed by stress, rejection and loneliness. In other words, those peaceful “now” moments last only until I do my monthly bills and the reality of my dire financial situation stares back at me.

Please understand that I do not whine incessantly about my jobless status to friends and family. Just the opposite; I rarely talk about it. As the sign says, if I can't be positive all the time, at least I keep my mouth shut and don't talk about my increasingly hopeless life.

When I do, I keep it to a minimum and within a small, select group. Their response is the typical “You’ll find a job. Everything will be fine.” blather. What else can they say? In truth, if the roles were reversed, I would spout the same banal sentiments. Yet every time they repeat those silly platitudes I can almost read their minds and I know what they are thinking: “Phew! Thank God I have a job and I’m not as bad off as her.”

I also think it’s unrealistic to expect me or anyone who has been unemployed for a long stretch to be happy and positive all the time. Why can society at large acknowledge our precarious predicament? Why is that so hard? Instead, we’re treated with scorn and receive no help.

Just yesterday, the priest at my church gave a sermon on how we can’t expect life to always be a bed of roses; that bad things are going to happen no matter what we do or how good we may be. That living in a world were we only seek out the “positive” and completely deny the negative is a false utopia, and what we learn from bad times is resiliency.

In other words, shit happens and you have to deal with it (although Father George didn't use that exact phrase). Yet our society expects, demands, that we be happy at all times, in all circumstances. Utterly ridiculous and quite possibly psychologically damaging.

I agree with most of what the priest said, except the resiliency part. I fail to see how losing job after job, my financial security, and possibly becoming homeless makes me a better person and more resilient. All these nicks and cuts do is damage my soul.

I really don’t see a future right now. Or I don’t try to think too far ahead. But this I know: In mere weeks my unemployment benefits will end and all I’ll have to live on are my meager savings and some puny freelance assignments. How long do you think that is going to support me? I’m working on a Plan B, but it’s nothing solid and I don’t want to discuss it now. (Don’t worry. It’s nothing illegal…yet.)

As for today, I will finish this blog post, eat my lunch and take a walk. Tomorrow, I will send out resumes. I may get a call for a job interview; I may not. I may get another email informing me my candidacy for a particular job will not be pursued. That’s my “now.” What? You were expecting me to jet off to the Amalfi Coast?

I will try to be positive in my negative situation. And if anyone has any advice, I’m open to all suggestions.

The biggest positive boost I can think of? Getting a job!!!!