Corporate Doublespeak

Just today, we had one of those company-wide meetings about the new direction the new corporate brain trust wants to take the company.

It can pretty much be summed up thusly, “Blah, blah, blah…consolidation…blah, blah, blah…more profits (we hope)…blah, blah, blah.”

Now, I’m not complaining. At least this company and the new CEO are more open and candid than my other workplace and its executives who were so secretive they would make the KGB look like a girls’ night out.

Nevertheless, there is only so much they are going to say outright. And basically, as workers, we only want to know two things:

1. Will we be getting raises and bonuses this year so I can buy that new jumbo flat-screen TV and move to a new apartment? 
2. Is my job being cut?

Somebody actually asked about staff reductions and to my surprise the executives were fairly candid…up to a point.

They said they wanted to grow the company not downsize. However, later they said because of the new direction/strategy, positions will be eliminated and people will be let go. So which is it? Typical corporate doublespeak.

I understand they were not going to say the names of the people who are about to be let go during a company-wide meeting. Yet judging from my own experience, those people probably already have an inkling of their fate.

They did say those poor sops were going to be treated respectfully. Nice to know. Still, it’s never comforting to know your company is contemplating layoffs (although they will never use that word.) And it's sad for employees to learn that the job they were hired for and did well for so many years is no longer of use for the company. They did nothing wrong, but are being let go because of a business strategy that has no guarantee of success.

At least I can take some solace that by being cut, the jobs of certain people I liked and respected were saved. Not that those bloody ingrates will ever acknowledge it.

It also got me thinking…Which is worse: To lose your job because of a nebulous corporate strategy that may or may not boost profits? Or to lose your job because of a bad economy and stupid bosses who wouldn’t know a business strategy if it bought them a drink in a bar?

The answer? It really doesn’t matter. You are out of a job and no amount of corporate doublespeak is going to make that better.