Growing up, I remember a book we kept in our house. Put out by the same company that published Mad Magazine, it was titled, “Mad’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.”
It went something like this: There would be a picture of somebody talking on the phone. Somebody else in the illustration would then ask, “Are you on the phone?” To which the person on the phone would reply, “No, I’m digging wax out of my ear with this lovely scoop.” In another one, a couple goes to a restaurant. The maitre d’ asks, “Table for two?” The man replies, “I don’t know. I can’t count that high either.” You get the drift.
I bring up the book now because I sometimes would like to have a snappy—okay, sarcastic—answer to some of the mind-numbing, un-freakin-believably stupid things people have said to me when I tell them I’ve been laid off.
Number one on the list: “When one door closes, another one opens.” Yeah, I know what you mean: When one opportunity comes to an end, another one will show itself.
True enough, I guess. But to a recently laid-off person, it sounds hollow, like a cliché is supposed to make us feel better about our situation. The door was unexpectedly, painfully slammed in our face and when another one will open is far from certain, especially with a near-10% unemployment rate and employers still not hiring.
So what’s my snappy answer? How about: “I sure hope that other door opens soon. Otherwise, I’ll be hitting you up for money when I’m homeless.”
Oh, all right, a bit nasty, I agree. But why do people who are employed throw clichés in our faces when we are facing financial ruin?
That’s why I talk to only those people who are also unemployed about my feelings. They understand, but they also urge me not to give up.
Yet in my experience, I’ve found that people rarely know what to say when someone has just told them of an unfortunate event. It’s like they want to separate themselves from the bad news lest it could happen to them. Case in point: I once told a co-worker my mother had been diagnosed with cancer. And she said—no lie: “Well, there’s no history of cancer in my family,” and walked away from me. Maybe she thought she would catch the disease from me. A bit cold, don’t you think?
Nevertheless, in this economy, I certainly can understand a person’s fear and need to distance him or herself from something as unsettling as a job loss, which could happen to anyone, at anytime. Just hearing about it makes them jumpy and tongue-tied, like they are thinking to themselves, “Oh, no! Let me get away from this unemployed loser before I get laid off too!” It’s like we’re lepers.
Speaking of tongue-tied, here are some more stupid statements…and the snappy answer I should have retorted.
“Everybody gets laid off.” Jeez, in that case, why work at all? Maybe I should start robbing banks.
“Most people are out of work for a year or more.” On that cheery note, pass me the razor blade.
“You’ll find something.” Will it happen before I’m homeless?
“They laid you off to save the company.” Call the Vatican! Since I no longer have a job, I want sainthood. (For more on that ridiculous response, see “Sacrificial Lambs.”)
Instead of stock clichés or some meaningless bromide, how about a little empathy? Why not say something like, “Sorry to hear that. It’s tough, but you are not alone. Best of luck in your search for a new job.”
Or better yet, rather than offering up some stupid statement, give a jobless person something concrete, like a job lead or help writing a resume. Tell them where they can go to get new training or help in their job search. In this instance, actions speak louder than words.
No comments:
Post a Comment