Am I the Same Girl?

Recently, while scrolling the Internet, a headline caught my eye: “Being Unemployed Changes Basic Personality Traits.” It detailed a study documenting that long-term unemployment changes people’s personalities, in essence, making them less agreeable,

open and conscientious.

Wow, was my first thought. Second was, no poop, Sherlock. You need a study to tell you that?

Then I got to thinking about how my two stints as a long-term unemployed worker have changed me — for good and bad. It has, but not so much based on the benchmarks the researchers used.

For the good, the experience has definitely deepened my empathy and made me less likely to harshly judge other people. Everybody fights their own battles, whether public or private, and that makes them no different than me. I know of several friends and family members dealing with much more difficult circumstances than I am. So who am I to complain about not having a job when someone suffers from cancer?

As for conscientiousness, I know I have valiantly tried to find a job, despite near daily rejection, blatant age discrimination and outright rudeness. I have never given up. I’ve signed up for every freelance project offered to me, and have done them as competently as I’m able. Not exactly the image of a lazy, jobless worker many people subscribe to.

Nevertheless, the wrenching experience of two layoffs in four years, of going more than two years without a job since late 2009, constant financial worry, has extracted a heavy psychic toll. I cannot say it has changed my outward personality because I generally keep these feelings to myself. I don’t show it. I don't talk about it. Who would listen anyway? My rapidly dwindling circle of friends and family who don't give a crap about my problems?

But those feelings are there, like a low hum from an electrical machine I cannot turn off.

I have absolutely no self-confidence. I feel like a complete and utter failure. How else to explain why I was let go when others were kept on staff? How else to explain why so many others were hired for jobs I had every qualification for? I must be incompetent. I must be.

Just the other day I was told even though I was qualified for a job, someone else was the “perfect candidate” and hired instead. What a wonderful boost to my self-esteem! How am not supposed to feel useless and unemployable after that?

Even when I do receive a compliment, I can’t believe it. All I hear is, “I’m stupid and ugly.”

Yeah, I know how bad that sounds. That’s how I feel. Long-term unemployment will do that to you. Please don’t give me any pep talks. I’m beyond that.

Then there’s the whole loyalty thing. Oh, companies tout how loyal they are to their workers, but I seen the callous side of merciless corporate cost cutting. Twice — twice! — I’ve been led to a room, told the budget had to be cut, and therefore, my job was eliminated. Pack up your desk and leave. We don’t want you anymore.

I even witnessed a co-worker get laid off the day after she returned from cancer treatment.

After that, how am I supposed to feel loyalty toward any company or management? Any employee loyal to a corporation is just plain dumb in my opinion. Harsh? Yes, but think about that the next time you read an article about company XYZ laying off workers in the same numbers as World War I battle casualty totals.

The corporation doesn’t care about you, or your family. It only cares about the bottom line, and will sacrifice workers at the altar of corporate profits whenever necessary. No corporation is truly loyal to their workers, so why should workers be loyal to a company?

It’s why I’m definitely considering freelancing instead of taking a full-time job (albeit none has been offered to me yet).

So, yes, long-term unemployment has changed me. I’m not the same girl anymore.

Corporate Death Spiral

A few weeks ago, I received an interesting email from a former colleague at my former former workplace. He came across a news story about the possible sale of our former former workplace.

Though from a reputable media outlet, the article was based on “anonymous sources close to the situation.” In other words, this is mere speculation at this point. Who are these sources? What do they have to gain by leaking this information? Who knows if and when the sale will ever take place? I’m not saying the story is untrue. But like alien sightings and George Clooney marriage rumors, I’ll believe it when it actually happens or when I see it for myself.

Nevertheless, this rather flimsy article reminded me of a phenomenon you see quite often in the business world, and one that I have witnessed firsthand. I call it the corporate death spiral.

It goes something like this: A company encounters revenue shortfalls; maybe it even files for bankruptcy protection (as my former company did). They cut staff and product lines. When that fails to boost profits, the CEO is fired. Of course, oftentimes the company never says he or she was fired; just that he or she left to “pursue other interests.” Pursue other interests?! HA! The company fired your sorry butt, now get the heck outta here.

Then, a new CEO is brought in to basically clean up the mess. Think of a mop-up relief pitcher brought in during a blowout loss in the middle innings. He’s not there to win the game that day. His only job is to minimize the damage so the team can fight another day. (Insert NY Mets bullpen joke here.)

That’s not to say the new CEO isn’t an intelligent, experienced executive. No doubt he or she comes in enthused and with great ideas to somehow elevate revenues. Only…sometimes those grand schemes don’t work out and the company is still bleeding cash.

So the new CEO resorts to the familiar tactic of slashing staff and products in a desperate doggy-paddle to save the company, himself and his cronies. When that fails to move the needle, the CEO throws up his arms in disgust and says, “Uncle! Let’s sell the damn thing!”

Remember, about six months before the article about the possible sale of my former former workplace was published, the company cut over 30 employees. At my former workplace, the CEO sent around a cryptic note alluding to rumors about a possible sale of the company. (I didn’t see anything in the press about it.) Soon after, four others and myself were shown the door.

So you see a pattern here. A company in fiscal straits cuts staff/products, brings in a new CEO, cuts more staff and then puts itself up for sale.

It’s similar to when a homeowner decides to sell their house. They paint and spruce up the bathrooms to make it more attractive to potential buyers. In the corporate world, companies slash a third of their workforce. Gah!

All I can do is shake my head in bitter resignation. For all the hyped-up plans that went bust, for all the people they put out of work, for all the lives destroyed, all those companies did was buy a bit of time and temporarily stave off the inevitable, which is the ruination of a once thriving company. What a sad waste of money and talent. Instead of creating a credible blueprint for success, these companies are barely treading water. They might as well have flushed all that money down the drain, along with a lot of good people who may never see a steady paycheck again.

Another example is the retail stalwart JCPenney. About two years ago, it tried a new pricing method to bring in shoppers. When that failed, it brought in a new CEO, who restored its previous sales pricing system. It also announced a slew of store closures. Recent reports have the chain holding its own. But how long will it survive?

Likewise, how long will my two previous workplaces survive? Will a new buyer snatch them up at bargain prices? Will that new owner embark on a program of staff reduction (as they did at my former former workplace)?

What if no buyer is found? Will both companies be shut down, thereby completing the inevitable corporate death spiral?

Stay tuned.