What Goes Around….

Heard some interesting news last week. My former workplace, the same sweat shop that thought my salary was dragging down the entire company, has undertaken yet another round of layoffs.

Caught in the web of underhanded corporate cost cutting in my former department (that I know of for sure): the d-bag editor who terminated my job; one marketing guy; another web-focused editor who didn’t do much; and a secretary. The parent company also cut another 35 positions.

Now, you may be thinking that when I first heard of this I would be jumping for joy. I did not. Honestly, I didn’t feel anything either way. I wasn’t pleased by the news, nor was I particularly saddened by it either. It certainly doesn't change what I and others went through when we were laid off so cavalierly.

My first thought was this: What goes around comes around. More on that later, but let’s discuss two of the players in this pointless drama.

Yes, the one editor was a total douchebag, who systematically and cunningly laid off any and all people who he felt threatened his seniority or job. He was also the one who told us that none of us had job security. Wonder how he feels about that now, now that he is the one out of a job.

Still…he had been with the company for over 25 years. Personal feelings aside, it’s a sad commentary on how companies now treat their long-term employees that someone with his seniority was let go. How is someone of his age (either he has reached 60 or is very near it) going to find another full-time gig? Surely he envisioned – and probably deserved – a much different exit from the workplace than, “pack up your desk and leave.” So for him, I can reserve a bit of sympathy and well wishes.

Not so for the web-focused editor, a lazy fuck. How he managed to stay on so long by doing so little amazes me. How I was first alerted to the layoffs was when he started posting self-pitying comments on Facebook about his first and second and third day of unemployment.

Oh, sure, when everyone else was being laid off, he barely took notice. He sat at his desk, staring at the computer, oblivious to the emotional devastation around him. He didn’t care at all. Oh, but when it happened it him, he’s all wah wah wah. Tell it to the Marines!

He was also the one who sat in on a meeting and argued that a co-worker’s job should be saved during the same round of layoff during which I was chucked to the unemployment rolls. Why did he do this? Because he wanted to spare his friend from being jobless? No, he thought if this guy were let go, he would have to do more work!!!! Un – freaking – believable!!! If he had it done to help a friend, I would have more respect for him. But he did it out of pure self-interest and laziness. Well, now he has his wish. I think he is probably terrified at the possibility of having to go out and find a job and actually having to do, you know, real work. I have no sympathy for him. The gravy train doesn’t stop there anymore for you, bub…

But what was even more ludicrous was reading the explanations behind the layoffs from the executives at the parent company. There was the usual spin about how this was going to make the company a leaner, more nimble company (that’s what they all say), how they were  oh so saddened by having to let so many employees go (spare me); and the one that always makes me wanna vomit: the company is doing well and the board is behind their vision for the firm.

AAARRGGGGG!!! Gag me with a spoon! Seriously, I don’t know what is worse: that they themselves believe these bold-faced lies or that they expect anyone to believe such bullcrap. Like Teresa from The Real Housewives of New Jersey (more on that in a future post) would say, "They are lying through their tooths."

First, companies that are doing well financially do not see the need to lay off 40-60 employees at a pop. And this is at a rather smallish (800 employees) company. I understand the need to make the company more efficient, streamline operations and maneuver the company to meet shifting priorities and market realities. But obviously, this is being done to cut costs, pure and simple.

And if you are saddened by letting so many workers go, well, then don’t. Again, there is no other reason for doing it except to cut expenses at a foundering company. I heard through the grapevine that when the head of the division -- a thoroughly odious drunk – had to let go of the long-term editor, he cried. Well, if he did, they were of the crocodile variety. Those two hated each other and were frequently at each other’s throats. If he did cry, it was because he lost one of his favorite whipping posts. He’ll get over it at the nearest bar.

And if he does feel bad, then, well, maybe he should, considering the deplorable way he has treated people. And I'm not just talking about the scores of people he has laid off to save himself and his cronies, but his abusive behavior toward co-workers and underlings. He is a workplace bully and serial harasser. Perhaps what's he sad about is that he has one fewer person to torture.

And whenever I read a line about how the board is behind the company’s strategy, I think of baseball managers who get a “vote of confidence” by ownership two weeks before they are fired.

This parent company is obviously in bad shape and has been for a while. They have undertaken mergers and de-mergers, a new CEO, and repeated rounds of layoffs for nearly a decade. Yet, according to published reports, they are still cutting staff and are operating with a debt load of over a quarter of a billion dollars. Does anyone in their right mind think that cutting an editor here and a secretary there is going to bring down a debt tally that would make A-Rod’s contract look like a bill at five and dime store?

Yes, they could sell, as some commentators noted, but who would buy a company that can’t seem to get its act together? So it’s doubtful this company will be in business much longer.

Oh, how I wish, just once, a company would be honest and write a press release something like this:

“Yes, we a cut a third of our workforce, because frankly our revenues suck and we have no clue as to how to increase them. So we took the easy way out: cut a lot of workers. It may not make the company profitable, but who cares? It looks like we’re doing something. Upper management was spared so we can keep our bloated salaries. If the company sells, so what? We get a fat check.  Hey, we’re only here because daddy’s bucks got us into good schools where we could parlay our connections and meaningless credentials into high-level executives positions. Did you really expect us to come up with innovations? Do real work? Get real. Oh, and by the way, we don’t want any more regulations. Bye…happy hour is calling.”

Yeah, right, that will never happen. But back to my original thought: Would I feel bad if my former company did go under? I don’t mind admitting that when I was first let go, I wanted to see the entire company crash and burn. But then I thought better of that. If that were to come to pass, then people I once worked with who were good, honest and hardworking employees would lose their jobs. I didn’t want to see that.

Again, I wonder if all the turmoil they caused was worth it. I mean, I was told I was laid off to "save the company." Yet the company is still laying off people and is obviously in financial trouble.  So I guess my ginormous salary really wasn't dragging down the company. 

Now, if the nasty booze hound who heads the division I worked for lost his job, or the pill-popping drunken whore who made sure I got laid off so she would have no threat to her job, if they lost their jobs, I would do a happy dance in my underpants. Alas, once again, they have managed to save themselves from the ax. For now, anyway.

Will I contact any of them? Should I contact them? I don't think I will. I've been gone so long they probably have long forgotten me. (Two former co-workers de-friended me on Facebook!?) It's an emotional time for them. My expressions of sympathy might be misinterpreted as gloating. Better to keep my distance.

Yet, I cannot feel too sorry for them. I know for a fact these very same people (except the secretary) sat in secretive, Tammany Hall-style meeting and decided who stayed and who went during previous rounds of layoffs. I do not believe that you can repeatedly engage in that kind of Machiavellian, back-stabbing behavior yet somehow believe it is not going to come back to you. It will. At some point, it becomes like a circular firing squad.

Because what goes around comes around.