Are You a ‘Unicorn’?

Here’s another in a series of posts about jobs and job situations you should avoid like a Game of Thrones wedding party. Previously, I’ve detailed how to spot a jerk; why it’s a bad idea to be a “savior”; and the danger of working for a start-up.

This week, I’m discussing the “unicorn” job ad. Yes, it’s a real thing, unlike the mythical

creature of yore. What is a unicorn in the corporate world? Basically, it’s an employee that has the “soft” skills required for a particular position in addition to the prowess to do the technological tasks of the job. Think of a marketing executive who understands human behavior as well as coding and the ability to mine Big Data for consumer patterns.

In the media world, it’s a reporter who can report news, write it up in a coherent manner, edit other people’s work, and then go out and shoot and edit videos. Oh, and by the way, it doesn’t hurt if that reporter is a kick-ass graphic artist, too.

Here’s a perfect example of a unicorn:

“…… is seeking reporter/editor with a strong interest in both written and visual journalism ... The reporter/editor will work to enhance our infographics, and to develop survey-driven articles, columns and webcasts.”

Got that? In addition to reporting and writing, this unicorn must produce webcasts, research data, and create infographics. Anything else I can do for you, sir? Like wipe your butt and get you lunch?

Now, as someone who has worked in the field, I can say with some assurance that this person doesn’t exist, or doesn’t at this point in time.

Now, lest you accuse me of being a luddite, at my previous jobs, I actually did create infographics and produced videos. That was on top of my interviewing and writing long-form articles and daily news items. So, I have a good idea of what it takes to accomplish those tasks. Each is time-consuming. That is, if you want to do it properly.

In theory, I understand the need for a unicorn. Nearly every job requires some technical expertise. If you want to stay employed, you learn the programs, as I did.

In a person’s personal life, well, that’s a different story. People use technology as it fits into their individual lifestyle. They can go as high tech or low tech as they want. That’s their choice and no one should judge them. For a job, however, you master the technical skills required — or you won’t be employed very long.

Unfortunately, the problem with these imaginary unicorn employees is that our higher educational system has not quite caught up with the needs of employers. Employers want all these tech skills, but colleges are now scrambling to provide the courses. It’s why coding bootcamps are a big business today. They fill a gap higher educational institutions don’t currently fulfill. Colleges and universities will eventually catch up, but it will take time.

In the meantime, employers will demand that workers be experts in everything from human behavior and investigative reporting to web coding and Big Data mining. Fun times!

I also believe there is another factor behind this desire for a unicorn. Companies want their workers to do more than one job, because, hey, it’s cheaper. Why pay an IT person and a reporter when you can get one to do both for one measly salary. The fact that asking workers to do so many tasks means they are probably not going to do anything very well never enters into the employer’s mind. Heck, if one person can’t do the job, we’ll just find another unicorn. Employers demand excellence in all facets of a job. But is that realistic when you want somebody with both soft and technical skills? Is it fair to expect somebody to break news, produce webcasts and videos, all on the same day?

Hey, I’m just asking. Yes, companies have the right to define the skill sets required for particular jobs. I wonder, though, if demanding too many skills from one person is wise. Can that worker accomplish all those tasks to a high standard? Maybe, maybe not. A company may get labor on the cheap, but at what cost to overall quality — and the worker’s health?

Should you apply for a unicorn job ad? Only if you have the required technical and soft skills, or know you can learn them quickly. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time, much like chasing after the unicorn of fairy tales.

Beware the Start-Up

This week, I was laid off. Again.

Now, let me explain. In March, I started freelancing articles for a newly launched website.

The pay was low, but the workload was reasonable. And hey, any extra money and exposure is good at this point.

When I first started the gig, the editor I corresponded with was a bit of a nasty douchebag. I didn’t like his tone with me, but I kept my tongue and managed to do the job.

Lo and behold, one day, I received an email informing the freelance staff that that editor was no longer with the company (my first clue something was unstable and amiss at this company). However, his replacement was much nicer and easier to work with and I did several more articles for him.

This past Thursday, I had been expecting payment for two articles I had written to be posted to my bank account. I checked in the afternoon, and no money had arrived. So I dashed off an email to the editor, informing him of the situation. He said to wait until the end of day.

Log on to my bank account Friday morning. Still no money had been transferred to my account. Dashed off another email. No response…until….

Later that afternoon, I received an email from the head of the company. In it, he detailed how the company was in such dire straits that the bank refused to forward money for payroll. Rut roh. This doesn’t sound good.

Then came the real kicker. The financial situation had sunk so low that the he had to “release” (yet another mind-numbing euphemism for “laid off” that makes it sound even worse) all the freelance staff plus some full-time employees, about 40-some workers in all got the steel-toed boot — with no pay!

Since this was a freelance gig, I wasn’t as upset about being laid off as I was when I was kicked to the curb at two previous full-time jobs. At least I was spared the soul-crushing humiliation of having to clean out my desk and do The Walk of Shame all laid-off workers endure as they shuffle past slack-jawed former colleagues who feign sympathy but who are really thinking, Whew! Better her than me! What a loser! I still have a job. So there was that.

Or perhaps I've grown a thick layer of scar tissue from repeated layoffs. It can't hurt me anymore. Whatev.

And freelancing jobs, as I have come to learn, come and go. It’s inherently unsteady. I’ve come to understand that. The money I lost out on was not a huge amount — others, I’m sure, lost much more. But, dammit, I was counting on it to buy groceries.

More than the lost wages, there were several aspects of this disheartening turn of events that made me a bit angry and bitter.

First, the whole focus of this website was on job creation and employment news. The stories I wrote, as were many others, centered on job-boosting projects or programs to help people get back to work. Yes, you read correctly, dear readers, a website devoted to spreading the good news about employment creation laid off a good chunk of its staff.

Oh, the irony, the irony….

In his email, the head of the company was oh-so contrite. He felt soooo bad about this. Not as bad as we do, bub.

His sole reason for starting this website — cue the soft sobs in the background — was because he believes so strongly (cough, sob) that everyone has the right to work (sniffle, sniffle). Except, apparently, the people who work for him. We don’t deserve a job or a final paycheck. 

He boohooed he will try to get us what he owes us. I’ll believe it when I see the money wired to my account. Until then, I don’t believe a word of what he said. His insincere protestations and phony sympathy mean nothing to those of us who no longer have a job or payment due to his miscalculations and blundering business decisions. How did it come to this? In an attempt to ramp up the website, did he over-extend only to fall short as the weeks and months ran on without hitting the revenue projections he optimistically put forth to the bank? Did he not research how deep the market and all-important page view estimates would be for this website? How strong was the competition? Would advertisers buy in? He should have known all of that before he launched his grand scheme. Perhaps if he had, it wouldn’t have crashed and burned.

Nevertheless, I’ll file this under lessons learned. For this is the second time I succumbed to the siren call of a start-up. Last year, I reported and wrote several long, time-consuming features for a start-up website. Per the contract, payment was to be based on page views. Okay, I thought, I’ll give it a try.

Stories were written and posted. Months passed. No payment. Not a red cent. Bupkis. When I inquired, politely, about payment, I was given the usual blather about how wonderful my work was, but there was no money to pay any of the freelancers at this time. A month ago, I submitted my final story and told the editor I could do no more without payment. She understood, and hinted she had not received payment either.

More recently, I applied for a job at start-up website on women’s issues (when will I ever learn?). I spoke to the creator, who assured me that the no-pay period would only be a few weeks. Then, advertising dollars would miraculously rain down from Heaven and all will be wonderful…Uh huh.

During a phone chat, I related my experience with the previous start-up website that has yet to pay me. She understood I'd been "burned (I'll say!). As much as the job appealed to me, I simply cannot take another chance working for no pay.

So, as a job seeker, should you apply and take a job with a start-up? I would be wary, very wary. As the term implies, start-ups are just starting up; there is no promise the company will succeed in the long run. In today’s short-attention-span world, a new company or website can burn viral hot one day and deathly cold the next. It’s a risky business. Not saying an entrepreneur shouldn't take a chance, but start-ups by their very nature come laden with risks. Established companies can fail, but there is a track record and stability that scaffold them in down times. So, are you sure you want to hook your financial future on a precarious start-up venture?

In the crazy start-up world, what happens when the venture capital runs out and revenues cannot support the business? As my recent experience indicates, post-financial crisis, banks have little patience to prop up a money-draining business, no matter how lofty of intentions or technology-driven it is.

And can you really trust the brainchilds behind these start-ups? These hyped-up-on-their-own-awesomeness Millennials think they are so great they can never fail. Or if they do, somebody (Mommy, Daddy, Kickstarter) will come to their rescue. Doesn’t work that way in the real world. And really, most off these start-up ideas are the narcissistic sprouts of an over-privileged all-white generation that has no clue how the rest of the world lives outside of their entitled bubble. Is the start-up idea sustainable in the long run? Will it appeal to a broad audience, or just your craft-beer-guzzling buddies? Just because they are tech wizards doesn’t mean their freakin’ awesome app will make them the millionaires they believe they should be. For every Uber, there are hundreds of failed start-ups (and laid-off employees). But don’t tell them that.

And on what friggin’ planet is it considered acceptable to NOT pay people for their work?

So, yeah, you can go work for a start-up. Me? Pfff…Been there, done that. I'm done.