Lessons Learned

It’s been two years and a month since I was laid off, and the memory still stings and haunts me.

Why was I laid off while others with less time in the company and at higher salaries were kept on? Why did my former co-workers throw me under the bus to save another colleague? Was my work poor? (If so, why wasn’t I let go earlier?)

Stupidly, I even tried to talk my way out of getting laid off (like that ever works). I often wonder if I should have tried to save my job when I knew I was about to get dismissed. But would that have meant another co-worker got the boot instead? I don't think I could have lived with that (although others didn't mind saving their jobs while I got laid off). And would it have saved my job? That's doubtful.

What was the real reason behind my dismissal? I wish I knew, but considering the personalities (backstabbers, douchebags, liars and drunks) involved, getting a truthful answer is near impossible. I will never know the real reason behind my layoff, and that tortures me.

I know some people will say, “Get over it. You have a job now.” That I'm being negative. Well, I have a right to my feelings, and I think I'm justified in being hurt by their actions. Perhaps I was unjustly jettisoned in favor of lesser people whose only saving grace is that they were the favored puppets of upper management.

Being laid off is a stark reminder that some things are beyond our control, that our fates are in the hands of others who only know us as a line item on a spread sheet.

Bitterness aside, being told to pack up your desk and leave as if you are a criminal is a traumatic experience. What about the stress of being jobless for 16 months? How dare anyone say I shouldn't be hurt by my layoff.

There are times when I think I am almost over it, but then I remember that day I was told to pack up my desk and leave and the bitterness and hurt wash over me again as if it were yesterday.

And the people who say to get over it are usually those who have never been laid off or are safe because the drunken morons that run my former workplace protect them. Lucky them. I’ll say it again, nobody thinks getting laid off is big deal until it happens to him or her. Those same people who tell me to get over it would be the biggest whiners if they were to get laid off.

Alas, the company has survived since I and others were laid off, so I guess they did save the company while we took one for the team. My bad in thinking I was a valuable employee. Never will I make that mistake again.

The effects still linger. After a layoff, I no longer have a sense of job security. That is something that will stay with me for a long, long time. How can I be sure my new company won’t lay me off? How can I think of moving to a new apartment or buying a new car when my position is tenuous? I’m even hesitant to buy a smart phone.

Then there is the economic impact of being jobless for 16 months. Not only didn’t I make any contributions to a 401(k), but also I had to take a job that pays me much less than I was making at my previous job.

Still, I would be foolish not to look back and think of mistakes I made, mistakes that may have made it easier for my former bosses to kick me to the curb. This is my chance to be a better worker and colleague and I want to learn from blunders.

Was I let go because my poor tech skills? Maybe. At my new job, I have taken great pains to learn new systems. It’s not easy, but I’ve made progress on some programs; others, well, will take more time and training. I hope my new bosses will give me the time. (Of course, being out of the workforce for 16 months didn’t help improve my tech skills. I’m playing catch up now.)

I’ve (pretty much) stayed away from office gossip, mostly because I don’t know the people in my new office very well.

I’ve also stayed away from sending ill-advised emails. (The reply all function is not your friend.) I’ve only questioned one work edict, but I did so respectfully.

All in all, I’ve tried to do a good job and made every effort to do my duties to the best of my ability.

But is that enough? I did a good job, or thought I did, at my previous workplace and I was still dismissed. Employers want employees to be hardworking and loyal, but what are they giving us in return? Crappy health plans, puny raises (if any) and no job security.

It’s hard to give a job your all when you know that it will never be enough to save your job if budgets must be cut and your bosses don’t have your back.

You can work hard and still get screwed.