Euphemisms

Ever notice how many ways there are of saying of laid off?

In my instance, I was “selected for the program.” No lie. That’s what it said when I was sent a list of others who were also “selected for the program.”

Obviously, I had no choice in being admitted to this rather sinister program. I was never asked to submit an essay, run an obstacle course or take a test. Nope. A group of people sat in a room and discussed my financial and professional future without me ever knowing about it. How come accused murderers get to defend themselves, but hard-working employees never get a chance to speak on their behalf when it comes time to be laid off? Or should I say, “selected for the program”?

My sister’s company refers to layoffs as RIFs, or reduction in force. However, because hers is a public company, the firm would announce it was doing RIFs by specific time. The company also gave employees the option of early retirement.

Knowing this, my sister opted for early retirement (she had more than 30 years in the company so her pension was fully vested). She was able to take control of the situation, and plan for her future by enrolling in culinary school. She even got a retirement party, which was so much nicer than the “pack up your desk and leave” farewell I got.

And since her position was being eliminated anyway, she was also able to collect unemployment. She left on her own terms, which is not something many laid-off workers have the option of doing since they are given so little warning.

Other phrases keep popping up in regards to layoffs. When I covered school boards years ago, school officials would talk about staff attribution, meaning a teacher would retire and that job would go unfilled. When I told my editor about this, he would roll his eyes and say, of course, they are cutting jobs.

Terminated is another popular euphemism. Terminated? Really? I thought I was being laid off, not shot through the skull with a revolver. That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think? Sometimes blander is better.

At the core, all of these euphemisms are simply ways for management to distance itself from the inhumanity of having to let people go. Sorry, we know exactly what is being done to us, and we don’t like it. And whose fault is it, really, that a company is doing so poorly that it must lay off workers?

I also love when they talk about eliminating positions, as if there were no human beings who manned those positions, sometimes for many years. “Positions” is a neutral, non-personal term. Positions are being eliminated, not people. Now, see, that’s not so bad.

If a company can somehow trick itself into believing it is only eliminating positions, not actual human beings, it can make itself feel better about what is a lousy situation for the people who held those positions.

It also irks me when management doesn’t specify how many positions are being eliminated. A company will announce that it had to eliminate “around” or “approximately” so many positions. Hey, it’s not advanced calculus. These companies know exactly how many workers they are laying off.

But I guess it’s better than saying the truth, which is “You’re being laid off because the company can’t make money due to a bad recession (and stupid management decisions) and you have to take the fall while your supervisor /manager and his or her hand-picked butt-kissers stay on. Now pack up your desk and leave.”

At that point, you are perfectly within your rights to tell them exactly what they can do with their positions.