Confessions of a Free-Food Junkie

I admit it. I’m a shameless whore for free food.

I cannot tell you how many times I have embarrassed myself, family, friends and co-workers with my uncontrollable urge to get any kind of vittles gratis.

Now, that doesn’t mean I steal from the office fridge. Never. And I always pay my own way when having lunch or dinner with a friend.

What I’m talking about are scarfing down free food samples at grocery stores and the mall food court. Whatever they offer, I’ll bite. Even if I don’t particularly like it. Cause, hey, it’s free!

Now what does this have to do with employment (or unemployment) in the 2010s? Well, it goes back to a previous post on how my employer is too cheap to let we mere cubicle serfs have free water bottles. Oh, no, those are only reserved for upper management and visitors.

So the other day, the All While Males Club at my office had a meeting. Because it would be too much to ask the big kahunas to go out and pay for their own lunch, a platter of sandwiches was ordered. Heavens! We can’t let them get too peckish while they decide who stays and who gets laid off.

I was working late that day. And I saw the half-full sandwich platter in the fridge. Being hungry, as I always am, yep, I took half a sandwich. I ate it. For free.

No one noticed, and the next day the platter was left out with a sign inviting everyone to take a sandwich if they wanted. A day later. Just enough time for the salmonella to set in. I didn’t take one that day, although I availed myself of the fruit that was also ordered along with the sandwiches.

But it got me thinking again how cheap employers are. Why not order two or three platters for the entire office? Would it have cost that much more? Maybe, or maybe not.

It also reeks like rotten cheese of the disdain upper management has for their workers. We don’t even deserve an occasional free lunch? Only the high and mighty, the ones with the highest salaries, get that perk?

So next time you see leftover food from one of their silly meetings, I say, go for it. Grab that free food with gusto. It may be one of the few benefits you will ever get from those cheap bastards.

Burp!