Workplace Zeroes

We’ve all come across these workplace zeroes. Those annoying and sometimes hurtful people we must put up with between 9 and 5. You may not know the names, but you know these pernicious types. Usually, they are very similar to those you knew in high school.

Here are just a few:

The Workplace Bully. He screams, insults and otherwise denigrates his underlings. And yes, this type is usually male and insanely chauvinistic toward women.

My previous boss would routinely yell at everyone around him; he even called people stupid in the middle of the office for all to hear. And he was even nastier when he was drunk. (Lord save us all from the self-medicators.)

At the heart of their meanness is a deep insecurity and a self loathing that can only be soothed by belittling others to make themselves feel better. It's either that, or a shot of bourbon.

Workplace bullies thrive in an environment where they have created a power base over the years. They have reached a position of authority that no one dares challenge.

The solution? You will never win against this type, so don’t try. If you complain to HR, he will say you are just a disgruntled worker who can’t hack the job. The HR person, who really doesn’t want to bothered, will try to see both sides, which usually means you have to confess your countless minor discretions that were the reasons for the bully’s overblown response. In other words, like most clever bullies, he will make it appear to be your fault. Unless the bully does something so egregious, he will never be fired or held accountable for his actions. He will never leave the job because where else would he get the power to abuse his co-workers? The only solution is to try to stay out of the bully’s line of fire.

The Backstabber. Oh, he/she appears to be so nice and will even tell you how much he/she likes your work. It’s only when they feel threatened that they will really turn on you and get you laid off because you are near them in seniority.

The solution? There really isn’t any, because they are so underhanded and sneaky that you won’t know you’ve been stabbed in the back until you’ve actually been stabbed in the back. By that time, you are out on the street anyway.

The Queen Bee. This is a woman who has reached a position of authority usually reserved for men. Yet instead of being supportive of the women, and men, beneath her, she treats them horribly. If she’s not being nasty, she is acting condescending. Why? Perhaps she doesn’t want to be seen as weak or too, well, womanly. She’s the only woman in a group of men and damn if she’s going to lose that authority. Perhaps she’s emulating her male counterparts. What she fails to understand is that bad behavior is not gender specific. Treating people badly is unacceptable whether perpetrated by a man or woman.

Notice how I’ve avoided using the word bitch. Frankly, I have nothing against a woman being assertive and standing up for herself. Too often that word is used to put down strong women who are really behaving no different than a man who is applauded for being aggressive. The best tact for bosses of either gender is to find their own management style that balances treating those around them with respect while also ensuring the work gets done properly.

The Solution? Humor her. Arguing with a boss, whether male or female, is counterproductive. Hey, it’s always nice to see a woman in a position of authority, so try not to undermine her. Maybe her nasty management style will change over time.

The Sorority Sister. These chicks where popular in high school and college, so why shouldn’t they be the most popular in the workplace? And you know the type: They’re only friends with their handpicked BFFs and leave you out in the cold because, well, you’re just not cool enough to be in their inner circle. Forget about ever being asked out to lunch with these bubbleheads. You just have to endure their sophomoric behavior and their singing of songs in the middle of the office.

They are also extremely two-faced. While she complains about the boss as much as anybody in the office, she has somehow snowed the boss into believing she is just so wonderful. You, meanwhile, are the one who feels the wrath of the boss instead of the “good girl.”

Their sense of entitlement knows no bounds as well. Don't even think about going for a promotion they want. You will fail.

Sorority girls aren’t really a problem…until they mock you loudly in the middle of the office or when they argue in favor of keeping one of their buddies while you are laid off instead. Then their mean girl tendencies became apparent and harmful.

The Solution? Ignore them, and roll your eyes, a lot. Eventually, if they cannot do the job, upper management will see them for what they truly are, which are overage sorority girls who can’t hack it outside college. And really, there is an age limit on sorority sisters. After age 30, they just come off as pathetic.

Well, there are just some of the workplace zeroes I’ve encountered. Any more you’ve had to deal with? Which one am I? Well, that’s for another blog entry. Or I may never tell!