Playing Defense

With the Super Bowl over, football season is now officially behind us. Yet the unemployed are still playing defense.

Here’s what I mean: A while back I had a conversation with a friend of mine. Because of the bad weather we’ve been having in the Northeast, she was unable to travel to Canada to visit her father during Christmas week. (She’s a teacher and always has that week off.)

Stuck at home alone, she said she was going stir crazy. (Her live-in boyfriend had luckily escaped to Florida to visit his mother.)

Then she said something that got me upset: “I don’t know how you do it all the time.”

Ah, the universal misconception about unemployed people: that we sit at home and do nothing all day. She said this, even though she knows I go on interviews and do freelance assignments. I’ve even starting doing volunteer work.

Referring to that statement, I asked if she thought I was doing anything wrong.

Oh, no, she said. She was just making an observation.

Then she explained that I was probably feeling a bit defensive, or “going to a place of defensiveness” as she put it. (Yes, she’s has had a lot of therapy, which gave her the insight into my feelings.)

Likewise, my sister calls me nearly everyday, and asks (in that tone only an older sister speaks): “So, did you do anything today?” Is she trying to make me feel bad about my situation? Is she implying I’m not doing anything to improve my jobless lot in life? Like my friend, she knows I’ve been searching and doing freelance work. She even asked me once if I were looking for a job! Why would she think I wasn’t?!

Or do they mean nothing by what they are saying. Is my own guilt and embarrassment about being unemployed for more than a year making me defensive?

But should unemployed people who’ve lost their jobs through no fault of their own be defensive about their situation? Do we have to explain ourselves to anyone? Do they need to know the number of job applications we’ve submitted? How many interviews we’ve gone on? How many rejection emails have come to our email box?

I’m sure most people who inquire about my job search are not making a judgment about my situation; they only want to know what’s going on in my life. (Not much!)

Still, it’s hard not to feel a bit ashamed about not having a job for so long. Are they thinking, “Well, there must be something wrong with her if she can’t get a job”?

Considering the low regard jobless people are held in these days, it’s hard not to get, well, defensive. It’s easier to blame the victim of a layoff than the poor decisions of management that led to the layoff. We are put in a position of essentially defending an action we had no part of instigating. Hey, if you want to know why I’m out of work, ask the bosses who told me to pack up my desk and leave because the company was doing poorly. All the sales people who weren’t selling ads and were not bringing in revenue got to keep their jobs, yet we on the editorial side were kicked to the curb. Go figure.

Oh, yeah, I forgot, editorial is an expense item; therefore it’s the first to get cut. If you ask me, what the company needed were better salespeople. Alas, I had no say in the matter. Sorry for the digression into bitter territory.

So far, my tact has been to answer questions about my job status very matter-of-factly: “Well, I’m still looking for a job. I’ve been going on interviews and doing some freelance work.”

That works on many levels. It answers the question in a polite manner without getting into too much detail or emotion, and is in fact, the truth.

But am I obligated to answer what could be considered a rather intrusive question? Do I say nothing or tell them it’s none of their business? That would be a bit rude, but no more rude than the original question.

Guess I’ll just have to continue to play defense...and wait for spring training.