The First Rule of Unemployment

The First Rule of Unemployment is this: You will gain weight.

Can’t be helped, and for many reasons.

Probably the first and easiest expense cut is the gym membership. With no regular exercise program, the pounds will pile up on your thighs and stomach.

And to get over the shock of being laid off, you will naturally gravitate toward comfort foods, like potatoes, chocolate and chips. Not a healthy reaction, but it’s understandable.

While other unnecessary expenses, such as clothes, can be eliminated, we still need to eat. Food is the one product we don’t have to feel guilty about buying.

And buy food we will! What else can we spend our diminishing cash intake on? A new car? Not bloody likely. Furniture? Not this year.

So you do your weekly food shopping, stocking up on your favorite snacks. Then chomp through those chips and sweets after two days.

I know I gained weight after I was laid off. Making it even worse, I was let go shortly before Christmas, so I gorged more than normal on holiday cooking.

And even if you didn’t have a regular exercise program before you were laid off, the routine of getting up every morning and walking to the car, bus or train got your heart racing and your muscles working. In a busy workplace, it’s easy to stay occupied and away from the vending machine (well, almost). Temptation is kept mostly at bay, at least between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.

Now, you spend most of your time in front of the computer or TV. Your life is more sedentary, even if you don’t want it to be. And that fridge is so close….

I really didn’t begin to take off some pounds until I got so depressed my appetite lessened. See, there are some good things that can come from being depressed and out of work!

So what to do? Buy stretchy clothes that can expand with your waistline. Elastic and spandex are an unemployed person's best friends.

Seriously, I’ve tried to watch my diet, cooking smaller meals, making sure to eat fruit and veggies. It ain’t easy, but I try.

Even if you can’t go to the gym, you can put on comfortable shoes and walk every day. Walking is free…and us unemployed people have a lot of free time.

If this recession doesn’t end soon and employers don’t start hiring, we are going to become a nation of wheezing, insulin-grubbing, Rex Ryan-sized couch potatoes.

Hmmm….potatoes!