Euphemisms

Ever notice how many ways there are of saying of laid off?

In my instance, I was “selected for the program.” No lie. That’s what it said when I was sent a list of others who were also “selected for the program.”

Obviously, I had no choice in being admitted to this rather sinister program. I was never asked to submit an essay, run an obstacle course or take a test. Nope. A group of people sat in a room and discussed my financial and professional future without me ever knowing about it. How come accused murderers get to defend themselves, but hard-working employees never get a chance to speak on their behalf when it comes time to be laid off? Or should I say, “selected for the program”?

My sister’s company refers to layoffs as RIFs, or reduction in force. However, because hers is a public company, the firm would announce it was doing RIFs by specific time. The company also gave employees the option of early retirement.

Knowing this, my sister opted for early retirement (she had more than 30 years in the company so her pension was fully vested). She was able to take control of the situation, and plan for her future by enrolling in culinary school. She even got a retirement party, which was so much nicer than the “pack up your desk and leave” farewell I got.

And since her position was being eliminated anyway, she was also able to collect unemployment. She left on her own terms, which is not something many laid-off workers have the option of doing since they are given so little warning.

Other phrases keep popping up in regards to layoffs. When I covered school boards years ago, school officials would talk about staff attribution, meaning a teacher would retire and that job would go unfilled. When I told my editor about this, he would roll his eyes and say, of course, they are cutting jobs.

Terminated is another popular euphemism. Terminated? Really? I thought I was being laid off, not shot through the skull with a revolver. That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think? Sometimes blander is better.

At the core, all of these euphemisms are simply ways for management to distance itself from the inhumanity of having to let people go. Sorry, we know exactly what is being done to us, and we don’t like it. And whose fault is it, really, that a company is doing so poorly that it must lay off workers?

I also love when they talk about eliminating positions, as if there were no human beings who manned those positions, sometimes for many years. “Positions” is a neutral, non-personal term. Positions are being eliminated, not people. Now, see, that’s not so bad.

If a company can somehow trick itself into believing it is only eliminating positions, not actual human beings, it can make itself feel better about what is a lousy situation for the people who held those positions.

It also irks me when management doesn’t specify how many positions are being eliminated. A company will announce that it had to eliminate “around” or “approximately” so many positions. Hey, it’s not advanced calculus. These companies know exactly how many workers they are laying off.

But I guess it’s better than saying the truth, which is “You’re being laid off because the company can’t make money due to a bad recession (and stupid management decisions) and you have to take the fall while your supervisor /manager and his or her hand-picked butt-kissers stay on. Now pack up your desk and leave.”

At that point, you are perfectly within your rights to tell them exactly what they can do with their positions.

When Every Day is Saturday

I’m writing this on Saturday. Or is it Tuesday? Maybe it’s Thursday? Friday?

It’s hard to tell these days what day it is. In my current jobless state, no longer tied to the workweek/weekend schedule, each day blends into the one before and after it, broken only by the change from daylight to nighttime.

So I find myself at loss of what to do with my days, hours, minutes, unmoored as I am from a lifetime of work, then weekend, then work again on Monday.

Before I was laid off, a Saturday afternoon with nothing to do was a welcome respite from a hectic, sometimes overwhelming workweek. Now, it seems nearly every day is Saturday.

Oh, there have been times when I have had things to do. Soon after I was laid off, I underwent three months of twice weekly physical therapy. That gave some structure to my week…and got me out of the house regularly. But that ended in early June.

I’ve also been doing some freelance writing, but that is on an article-by-article basis, nothing permanent or regular (although I am grateful for the opportunity to do writing and the extra money).

In the absence of a full-time job, a new routine has emerged. I get up on the morning, take a walk or jog, eat breakfast, search the Internet for jobs (without much luck), have lunch, watch my favorite soaps (The Young and the Restless, The Bold and the Beautiful and sometimes As the World Turns). Then it’s off to do errands and an afternoon stroll along the walkway that runs along the Hudson River in my town. Not very exciting, I admit.

I’ve kept some of my previous routines, such as food shopping on Fridays (albeit earlier in the day) and shopping at the malls on Saturdays (although I don’t buy much of anything anymore).

It’s funny how we complain about our jobs. Oh, if we could only win the lottery and quit our jobs! We’d be free of the shackles of the 9-to-5 routine, no longer would we have to run to the bus or train, or fight the morning and afternoon traffic.

Yet, to my surprise, I’ve found I miss working. I’ve been working since I was in junior high, babysitting to get spending money. I worked through high school and college and it’s been full time ever since. Not having a job is a major adjustment.

Fact is, not only do we require the financial security of a job, we also need the sense of accomplishment, purpose, and yes, the steady routine a job brings. Much as we may hate to admit it, we like to go to a workplace and do something that is meaningful to us.

We also need human contact. You may not like all of your colleagues, but there are always a few that you can talk to and share thoughts and feelings with.

Much has been written about how isolating unemployment can be and I can attest that that is certainly true. I’m beginning to understand how people can get addicted to the virtual friendships of Facebook!

Since I’m unmarried and have no children, this is probably doubly true of me. I do get lonely and bored at times.

My sisters live out of state and most of my friends are employed. Other friends and relatives have their own busy lives to content with. We try to get together occasionally, but it’s hard to find a time that is convenient for both of us. Well, convenient for them anyway, my days are pretty much open.

And have you noticed the busier you are, the more you get done? I think it’s because when you know you have only a small window in which to accomplish certain tasks, you, as the ad says, JUST DO IT! You are less likely to procrastinate. With more time on your hands, it’s easy to get lulled into “I can do it tomorrow” way of thinking. Not good.

And tomorrow is Sunday, isn’t it?

While I was Away...

I took a vacation.

Yeah, yeah, I know…unemployed people shouldn’t take vacations. We should just stay at our computers all day long and look for a job. That’s the same kind of thinking that says jobless people are just lazy, deserve no fun in life and should walk around with a bright red U on their chests.

But I took a vacation anyway. Visited Seattle with my sister and niece for six days.

I used my frequent flyer miles to pay for the airfare. If I had to pay out of pocket for the plane, I would not have gone. One good thing about all the business trips I took at my previous employer is that it gave me enough miles to take a free trip. Almost makes up for the horrid way they treated me. Almost.

Seattle is a great city, and one of three cities in the U.S. I want to visit (up next are Boston and Chicago). Pike’s Market, it’s most well-known destination, is amazing, but since July and August is the height of the city’s tourist season, it was very crowded. And you can take it with you: my sister had a 10-pound salmon shipped back to her home in Pennsylvania from one of the fish stands in the market.

We also went to the Space Needle; the Seattle Art Museum (which had an exhibit on native son Kurt Cobain); saw the original Starbucks; took a ferry ride around the harbor and to the very quaint Bainbridge Island; went on a tour of underground Seattle in Pioneer Square; and even watched a baseball game at Safeco Field (the Mariners vs. the Red Sox).

The weather was perfect; none of the rain Seattle is famous for. Getting around the city on public transportation is either free or at a very low cost. So I would definitely recommend a trip to the 206 area code.

Deciding to go was not an easy decision, what with my current financial situation. But who knows when I will be able to go on another vacation? I only had to pay for a part of the hotel room, food and entrance to the attractions. So it wasn’t wildly expensive.

It wasn't like there was much for me to do back in New Jersey. Nothing but sending out countless résumés that get swallowed up in cyberspace; waiting for calls for interviews that never come; and, my favorite, getting emails that start with “While you were an attractive candidate...” Nothing good comes after that phrase, does it?

There were times when I almost was able to forget my jobless status. Almost. Living in the now has never been easy for me. The trip didn't make me feel any better about my situation, but I didn't feel any worse. Overall I had a good time, although it would have been better if I had a job to come home to.

At least I got OUTSIDE, which tanned my face and got rid of my Facebook/Internet job search pallor.

Before I left, I learned that I flunked that test for the reporter job (see “Jumping Through Hoops). I was disappointed and frankly, embarrassed that I did poorly. It’s inexcusable, really, that I failed. I tried to find out from the HR lady what part of the test I did badly on, but all she would say was that the test was “very competitive.” Most likely, I didn’t do well on the reading comprehension part. Those standardized tests always bedevil me.

Considering the company advertised again for the reporter position, I have a feeling I wasn’t the only one who crapped out on the test.

But while I was in Seattle, I did get some good news. The Senate approved extended unemployment benefits. So I’ll be getting weekly payments for 20 more weeks, until November. (And no, I'm not planning any more vacations!)

Hopefully, between now and then, all the summer interns will have gone back to college and media companies will realize they will have to pay real journalists to do the work. For real money! Maybe then someone will hire me.

If not…well, perhaps the Senate will again pass extended unemployment benefits. Or not. Who knows what will happen?

But for now I won’t have to dip into my savings or get a job at my local Target or grocery store as a cashier.