A Walk into the Past

This week, I had a preliminary interview for a job. Had to meet with a recruiter first (to make sure I wasn’t a goth princess or had horns sprouting from my head). May have an interview with the actual company next week. Whatever.

As I walked to the building for the meeting, I looked up and noticed a familiar landmark. I was in the neighborhood of my first job in the city.

The meeting was brief and I had nowhere else to go afterward (one of the few perks of being unemployed). So even though the day was chilly and my shoes weren’t meant for walking, I decided to take a walk into the past.

It was quite a long time ago, the mid to late-‘80s, to be exact. A time of obscenely teased hair, high shoulders, cocaine (I never partook) and supermodel strut. You needed actual tokens to get on the subway and the wolves ran amok on Wall Street (well, I guess some things never change). Hard to believe today, but the Mets ruled the baseball world in New York City.

This isn’t to romanticize the past or make it more innocent than it was. Merely it’s about the excitement I felt when I got my first job in the Big City. It can be any city really…Chicago, Los Angeles, Cleveland. There is simply something special about that first job in the Big City.

Since that time I’ve hopscotched between Manhattan and northern New Jersey for jobs. I’ve passed other buildings in Manhattan where I worked and felt no nostalgic tug of the past. But this was my first job in the city, so it represents an excitement, a newness that happens only once in a person’s life. You've broken free from the shackles of your small-minded, restrictive hometown, even if that hometown is a solidly middle-class bedroom suburb about 20 miles from the city.

And since the creamy haze of the past resides both in memory and actual bricks and mortar, I wanted to see how much (or how little) the neighborhood had changed since I first took those apprehensive but eager steps along the same route so long ago.

Long gone was the well-known bookstore where I stocked up on reading material for a daily three-hour commute by bus. Vanished, too, was the outpost of a once trendy restaurant chain where my sister and I had lunch one day.

Yet there was the high-rise apartment building where a stuck-up co-worker who told me I should be ashamed I attended a community college once lived. The grungy Chinese food restaurant where I bought food just one time remains, as does the pizza place where I unexpectedly ran into my ex-boyfriend from college. (He extended his hand as if he wanted to shake mine. I refused. Hey buddy, you dumped me and rather harshly, as I recall. Go scratch.)

There was a corner garden meant to give the impression of nature in an urban circle, and what looked to be several new, only-for-the-1-percent condo buildings that I didn't recall. Yet I recognized many familiar structures, like a church, a TV studio where my mother's favorite, but since cancelled soap opera was filmed, and world-famous concert hall.

As I walked, suddenly, an uncontrollable, palpable wave of nostalgia rippled up from my gut to the tears that almost formed in my eyes. But I didn’t start to cry.

As I neared the office building, I panicked a bit. I didn’t remember this building to my right. Was I on the right street? Then I realized the façade had been altered and soon after the steps leading up to an open-air plaza overhung by the second floor of the charcoal grey rectangular building came into view. There it was, the building where I worked at my first job in the city.

I peered into the lobby, but I didn’t dare go in, lest I be stopped by some officious security guard asking could he help me and did I have business in the building. Way back then, you could walk into almost any Manhattan office building without being stopped or needing a key card. Not anymore.

What floor was I on? I don’t remember. In fact, a quick Google search revealed that the company I once worked for is no longer housed in that building.

I'm no longer in touch with any of those co-workers, either. My tenure ended abruptly and not very amicably after only two years when I tried for and was denied a promotion (one of many missteps in my checkered career path). I took another job, this time nearer my home in New Jersey.

When we visit the landmarks of our past, it gives an opportunity to reflect on the person we were back then and how much our lives and we ourselves have changed. To sum up, I was complete of body but naïve in mind and heart; a person nearly unrecognizable to me now (although thinner).

I do remember a young woman walking tentatively but excitedly to her first job in the city. Yet I’m so different from that person that it doesn’t even seem like she is me at all. Just a ghost from the past, someone I once knew and haven’t seen for many years. It’s almost like she is beside me instead of being me.

I recall walking home one evening in the billowing autumn twilight and seeing shiny bits in the sidewalk. “The sidewalks in the city shine!” I thought to myself. (Don’t judge: I was much younger.)

So much has changed since then: births, deaths, illness, job losses. But that’s what transpires as time passes. Things happen, we make decisions in sliding door fashion, and our lives are altered. We gain wisdom and the ability to endure, but at the loss of innocence and a sense of hopefulness for the future.

So I walked back to the subway station once bordered by two reviled and eventually razed structures. In their place are two gleaming glass-clad high-rises and a vertical mall.

The subway station itself has been spruced up a bit. But enough of its dinginess remains so as to mentally whisk me back to those days I waited for the Duke Ellington train to take me to the bus station and eventually home.

It’s Not 2010 Anymore

…Or is it?

After two solid months of job hunting I can say unequivocally that this time around is much, much different than back in the bad old days of 2010. I mean, this week alone I have three interviews scheduled and two lined up for next week.

One of the interviews is a prized second interview. A real second interview, not one where the snotty HR lady erroneously called me in and then told me it was good thing because “at least it got me out of the house.” Hey, it was her mistake!

I remember I got a call for a job the first day of my search…four hours after I emailed in my résumé and cover letter. Wow! Since then, there’ve been times when I’ve been contacted mere minutes after sending out the résumé. To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement.

Let’s rewind the time machine back to 2010, when it was a full six months – six months! – before I was even called in for an interview and another 10 months after that that I actually got a job.

So I have to say that yes, the job market is much looser now than back then. Yet I’m mystified as to why. The economy is doing better, but no one, except the most optimistic fools, would say it’s going gangbusters. I further doubt the publishing/journalism business is doing all that great. If it were, I wouldn’t have been laid off, right?

So why all this interest in little ole me? I mean, have all the laid-off journalists gone to work in PR or Internet start-ups that package stories like "5 Ways to Make Money from Your Sex Tape." Candidly, I'm not that good.

In the past two years, I’ve gained experience in a new field and learned a whole new skill set in the social media/digital world. But I’ve also gotten four years older (in a profession that values youth…the offices I’ve interviewed at are seemingly populated by no one over the age of 35) and in no way could I call myself a social media expert (whatever that means…I think it’s a buzzy catch phrase meant to make the rest of us feel like dinosaurs). I know more than I did four years ago, but need to learn much, much more. Then there’s the stigma of having been laid off twice in the past four years. Hard to erase that sink hole on my career path.

And for all the interviews I’ve gone on (six so far, two coming up), I know I’ve sent out scores of résumés that have gotten sucked into the black hole of some robo-HR computer system that automatically weeds our undesirables (like laid-off losers).

No job offer as of yet either. In one instance, the company hired an in-house person to fill the position; in another, the firm decided not to fill the job until later this year. In the third instance, I think the company was looking for an entry-level person. Can’t be sure, but that’s the feeling I got. And that’s okay. I'm never angry when I don't get a job. Disappointed, but never angry.

During today’s interview, I’m pretty sure I muffed several answers. So I may have to cross that one off the list (although it would have entailed a hellish daily commute of one hour down the scenic NJ Turnpike).

Still, I’m confused by all this. On one hand, I’m encouraged that I’m at least I’m being considered for the job. But since I’m a bird-in-the-hand kinda gal, I can’t rejoice until I actually get a job.

So why on the days I have a job interview, do I wake up feeling angry and depressed? Perhaps it’s the muscle memory of my long, tedious, rejected-stuffed job search of 2010-11 that prevents me from feeling any ounce of optimism. Even though I keep my salary requirements lower than I should, I know companies would rather pay the lowest rate possible, and that my experience could automatically disqualify me for the job.

I’m also fearful of another job search that stretches past six months (which would put me in the undesirable category of long-term unemployed). I scour the news for any hint Congress will extend unemployment benefits (not bloody likely. Thank you John Boehner.).

It’s for that reason that I’ve tried to expand into new freelance opportunities and one of the jobs I’m being interviewed for next week is for a part-time copy-editing gig. If I don’t get a full-time job, part-time/freelance may be the way to go for me.

Sometimes, I do question whether I want to go back into full-time work. I would dearly love (and need) the steady paycheck and employer-sponsored health care, but at what cost? The trade-off is that your employer can kick you to the curb at any time, for whatever reason. Pack up your desk and leave. There’s always the risk of not being good enough in the new job, too. What happens then? I don’t think I can withstand a third layoff.

I’ve communicated with two former co-workers who have met the same fate, and they express the same emotions: a wish never to be at the mercy of a company’s decision-making machinations again and a lack of trust in any employer.

So you see, when I read how companies are having a hard time filling slots, I think maybe it’s partially their fault they can’t get good workers. They refuse to spend money to train new employees and they have no compunction against terminating hundreds of workers in one fell swoop. It’s understandable that good portion of working age people is turned off by their actions and simply would prefer to be their own boss, if at all possible.

Nevertheless, I will go on every interview I’m called for and pursue any freelance opportunity that comes my way. I’m not giving up, but I’m realistic about my prospects and well aware this could be another long slog of hopeful job seeking and crushing rejection. Months can turn into years so quickly.

Because I remember 2010 very well. Very well.

6 Reasons You Didn’t Get the Job

So you got the call for the interview. Great! So you’re well on your way back to being gainfully employed. Right. Right?

Not so fast there, partner. Hate to pour cold water on your hopes, but simply getting an interview is no guarantee the job is yours. Thinking you have the job after an interview is like believing you won the lottery because you bought a ticket. Then you get the rejection email (or nothing at all), and you are crushed with disappointment. I'm always amused when asked on my weekly unemployment claim if I refused any work. More likely the reverse is true: companies refused to hire me.

Culled from my long and extensive history of job hunting (voluntary and involuntary), here are six reasons you probably didn’t get the job.

You sucked in the interview. You researched the company. You have your job history spiel down pat. You arrive five minutes early. Then, the interview starts and…you crumble in an uncontrollable torrent of nerves. Words tumble out of your mouth in an incoherent babble. Needless to say, it did not go well.

I don’t know of any job hunter who hasn’t endured the dreaded “job interview from hell.” The only thing you can take from such an unfortunate incident is to use it as a learning experience. Was there a question in particular that you stumbled with? Next time, have a better answer ready and waiting. Do better research, and try to stay calm. The more interviews you go on, the better you will be the next time. At the very least, you are gaining valuable rehearsals.

You weren’t a good fit for the job. No matter how much we try to match our skills to the skills outlined in the job ad, sometimes we are not exactly what the employer is looking for, for whatever reason.

Sometimes, the ad is deceptive. A recent example is a job I applied for a month ago. The ad clearly stated “editorial,” but when I went for the interview, it was obvious what they were looking for was an administrative assistant with some digital skills. I didn’t get the job, but the practice is always helpful.

You weren’t the lowest bidder. Yes, you read that correctly. I sometimes think employers are not looking for the best employee for a job, but simply the person they can pay the lowest salary. Why else would companies specify they’d only consider applicants that state their salary requirements?

There are other ways companies leak out their cheapness. Through the wonder that is Google, you can sometimes find out who the company hired instead of you. If they hired someone right out of college whose only experience is an internship or writing album reviews for alternative weeklies, it’s pretty obvious the company wants to pay the bare minimum in salaries.

To an experienced job seeker, I would advise not inflating your wage demands to such a degree that you price yourself out of the marketplace. Yet you are bringing a great deal of skills and experience to the job and should be paid for that. So pick a salary range that is fair and reasonable, but also an amount you can live on. And be real: After I was unemployed for 16 months, I took a job that paid me $17,000 a year less than what I was making before. In this job market, it’s probably unrealistic to expect you’ll net a major raise from your previous job, especially if you were laid off and have been unemployed for a lengthy period.

To employers, I would say this: You get what you pay for.

You weren’t the best candidate. Ouch! That hurt!

In our narcissistic society, nobody wants to hear or believe they are not the greatest thing since sliced bread or dark chocolate salted caramels. But the fact is, sometimes you are nudged out by the better person. Like in sports, sometimes the better team wins.

How do I know this? Again, through the wonder that is Google, I discovered who was hired instead of wonderful me. In some instances, I had to objectively say the person hired had the better skill sets, education and experience for the job than I did.

That doesn’t make you a bad person; it just means you weren’t the right person for that one particular job. There will be others. Also, think about the times you were hired when there were probably scores of other qualified candidates. It all evens out in the end.

You don’t walk on water. Have you read some of the job requirements for certain positions? They want someone with a law or “advanced” degree, a speaker of three languages, a technical wizard and, oh, yeah, about a decade of experience in the same type of job and within the same industry. Not even our Lord could pass muster with these elitist gatekeepers. (Dear Jesus, though your résumé was impressive, we have decided to go with another candidate.)

Frankly, it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even apply for jobs with such ridiculous requirements. I know some career coaches will tell you those requirements are more aspirational and to apply anyway, but I think companies are setting the standards so high so to as weed out mere worker serfs like the rest of. They only want the best of the best, and that typically means at the very minimum, an Ivy League college graduate. Companies are very picky nowadays.

I don’t have a degree from some fancy-schmancy college. I went to a community college for my first two years (a fact I was told by a colleague long ago to leave off on my résumé). I’m just someone who has two decades of hard-fought experience and can do the job without any ego or sense of entitlement. If that isn’t good enough for any employer, well, as my late Italian-American mother would say, They can go scratch.

You came thisclose. There are myriad reasons why you weren’t picked for the job that had nothing to do with your interview performance, experience, educational background or skills. Most of time, you’ll never know those reasons.

Perhaps the company decided to go with an in-house candidate, which makes sense since companies prefer to hire from within. Or the company reviewed staffing needs and for budgetary reasons decided not to fill that job. (Sound familiar?)

Sometimes, I know I’ve come thisclose to getting the job. I remember a rather nice (but ultimately deflating) rejection letter I once received. It was obviously not a standard form rejection missive, but one the lady took the time to personally write.

In it, she explained that I was an attractive candidate, but that they had opted to go with a former colleague. At the time, I remember being miffed. If they were going to hire a former co-worker all along, why string me along for two interviews and a test?

But looking back, I can take heart in knowing that I was qualified for the job, that I did well in the interviews and on the test. Sometimes, that’s the only positive you can take from a lost job interview (rather than thinking you're an unemployable loser). Almost doesn’t cut it when you are looking for a job, but at least it’s better than not even getting the call for an interview.

No one knows better than me how grueling, frustrating and sometimes degrading a job hunt can be. (There is a reason HR people are reviled.) Every time you go on an interview, you are not only putting your career and financial stability on the line, but your entire sense of self-worth. Add to that the anxiety of looking for a job after a devastating layoff and the situation is compounded tenfold.

But giving up is not an option. If you don’t try, you will never work again. And don’t let your ego lead. Don’t think, as some friends of mine have expressed, that you are too good for any job. With that attitude, you will surely never work again. You want a paycheck, right?

Keep trying. Every time you get that rejection email, think to yourself, “Well, that only means there’s a better job out there for me.”

I mean, I hope there is.