The Right to Say No

A few weeks ago, I declined two freelance jobs.

Granted, these jobs were low-paying and just so you don’t think I was being a lazy bum, I was juggling several other freelance assignments at the time. I honestly could not take on

more assignments. Still can’t, at least not now.

Nevertheless, saying no was a major step for me. When I first started on this freelance journey, I said yes to every assignment, only to find myself working seven days a week with no social life (nonexistent as it is) and getting stressed out. I soon realized that is no way to live, no matter how much I needed the money. I wasn’t doing myself any favors, nor would I be an asset to the companies if I turned in sloppy work or missed a deadline because I was frazzled or doing too much at the same time.

So I thought hard and long, and said no, which is never easy for me. I was raised to be a “good girl,” to do everything everybody wanted, expected and asked of me, whether family, friends or bosses. I believed if I said “yes” to everything, acted nice, and worked really, really hard, people would like me and I wouldn’t get laid off.

How’d that work out for me, eh? I’ve been laid off twice and repeatedly stabbed in the back by work colleagues.

Now, with the perspective of age and two painful layoffs, I realize I do have the right to say no, to pick where and with whom I work and for what compensation.

Companies possess the right to hire, fire and lay off workers with no explanation given. What they fail to realize is that workers have the same right to choose their workplace.

I understand the needs of companies change over time, and staffing levels reflect that. (Yeah, two layoffs in four years kinda taught me that.) Going back to those freelance jobs I declined, in one instance, after submitting several assignments to the company, I was told they had enough and wouldn’t require my services anymore. In the other, the company was undergoing a reorganization of their freelance staff, so I had no way of knowing I would be retained. (Reorganization is a code word for “layoffs.”)

Again, I wasn’t upset. Freelancing is inherently unstable, and companies remain free to cast off workers without any explanation.

But it’s also true that I have rent and bills to pay. I simply moved on to other paying jobs. The heck with them.

So I was a bit surprised when I was asked if I wanted to work for them again. I politely told both that I could not because I had other freelance assignment on my desk. One lady understood and said to contact her when I was free to do assignments for her. I might. The other guy never responded to my email.

I was also a bit amused by their requests. Didn’t it occur to them I took other assignments? Just as they rejected me, don’t I have the same right to decline their offer — or take another job?

Our society has, I believe, a rather warped perception of laid-off workers. We’re considered unemployable losers — even though we did nothing to merit our termination. We must take any job offered, without any consideration to whether we want the job or not. 

Contrast to that to someone who quits their job with no new job lined up to “find themselves.” They’re considered brave — they stuck it to the corporation and are viewed as free spirits — even though they may have made a really bad decision. Leaving a job with no job in hand is never justified unless you are being harassed or the job is severely impacting your health and wellbeing. Merely being unhappy at work or believing the job is beneath you is never a good reason to quit without simultaneously landing your next  — hopefully better — job.  

Likewise, someone who is fired gets sympathy, yet their firing may have been perfectly justified by poor work performance or some stupid or unethical action on their part.

No so with laid-off workers. Tossed aside by corporate cost cutting, our futures decided in some closed-door meeting of the All White Males Club, and perpetually rejected by prejudiced HR departments, we sometimes feel as if we have no free will at all.

Saying no returns some free will and yes, power to us laid-off workers. At least for one brief moment we don’t feel like Miss Colombia, the Fredo of beauty contestants.

Of course, there may come a time when my financial situation dictates I must take whatever lousy job offered. I haven’t reached that point. Yet. I'm self-aware enough to admit to my folly.

I simply don’t buy the belief I have no free will. I have the right to decide with whom I want to work — jerks need not apply. Just as companies low-ball workers on salaries, I’ll grab the highest paying jobs.

And I have the right to say no.

Illusions

A while back I wrote of how different this job search appeared from the last time I was laid off in late 2009, when it took me 16 months to find another job.

And I use the word “appear” deliberately because, as my job search has stretched from a winter of discontent and heaps of snowfall to a chilly, rainy (almost) spring, I’m beginning to think my hope of securing employment within a reasonable time period (six months, say) or even of ever getting a job again are mere illusions. Obviously, I was fooled by being called in for interviews so soon after I started looking for another job. Nothing has changed, really. It's like believing the NY Mets will have a winning season after an above-500 April. (Hey, guys, home plate won't give you cooties.) Pretty soon, it all reverts to the mean, and in my case, that means a long, tedious, rejection-filled job search.

I send out at least two résumés a day. I go on every interview I’m called for; I pursue every opportunity, freelance or full-time, aggressively. Heck, I’ve even ventured to employment agencies, something I vowed I would never do again. Has any of this netted me a job? Nope.

Sometimes the interviews go well, sometimes, they don’t. Sometimes someone is hired with less experience than me, sometimes, with more. There are obvious times when the company hired a recent grad just so they can pay them a meager wage. To be clear, I’m asking for a reasonable salary that is commensurate (and possibly below) my experience. For some firms, that’s fine. Others, not so much: In one instance, when I told the interviewer my salary requirement, he nearly gagged.

After I was laid off in 2009 and spent 16 months out of work, I knew I had to take a pay cut to get another job. And I did...my former job paid me $15,000 less in annual salary than my former former workplace. Even after raises, I was still making $12,000 less than I did at my previous job.

It’s also becoming increasingly obvious that to get work, I may have to take a freelance and/or contract job with no benefits. Or work (again) for a low salary. Oh, and did I mention that in some instances those jobs entail being verbally abused by co-workers and bosses? Nice, huh?

As my quixotic job hunts nears the six-month mark—the mark at which I officially become one of the long-term unemployed, thereby less and less attractive to potential employers—questions and self-doubt seep into my psyche. I wish I were one of those people who think they’re “great” and “awesome.” I can’t, especially when every job rejection is just another reminder of how inept I’ve become. Never something I had in great reserve, my self-confidence is nonexistent. No amount of pep talks and positive thoughts are going to change that, particularly at this time, as I endure yet another long stretch of joblessness. I can barely look at myself in the mirror anymore.

You might be thinking, oh, why doesn’t she take any job? Hey, I would…if I could get a job offer!!! Prevailing sentiment seems to be that unemployed people are pond scum, we must take any job offered, for whatever low salary, and we have no right to basic human dignity. When did employed people become so haughty? Hate to point out that a sudden job loss can happen to any of us.

Am I too old to ever gain full-time employment again? Is my career over? Am I incompetent? I fear the answer to all those questions is yes.

If that is so, what are my options? Do I have any other options? Did I do the right thing...or have I done everything wrong?

For if my career is over, that is something I need to mourn and take time to process. I also have to figure out what my next step will be. That takes time, too.

Do I give up completely? Or do I continue to attempt to jump through the ridiculous hoops employers put us through just to get a job? I've spent days doing take-home tests, only to be told "we've gone with another candidate." Or I get no response at all.

Do I persevere in the face of the discrimination HR people have against laid-off workers? How do I fight the subtle-but-not-so-subtle ageism in hiring practices?

But for now, I have to stop living in an illusion.