Out of My Comfort Zone

Contrary to the popular belief of my family, friends and (former) colleagues, I’m not a total stick-in-the-mud. Occasionally I do take risks and venture out of my comfort zone.

Not too long ago I took on a freelance assignment in a completely new field. I don’t want to bore anyone with the details; let’s just say it was more academically inclined than what I have done in the past.

I took on the assignment during a particularly hellish week of four job interviews (none of which I got, thank you very much) and stomach pains that awoke me during the night. It was not the ideal time to undertake a completely new task. But I have to admit, the prospect of making a bit of cash and the opportunity to round out my portfolio was too hard to pass up. I figured I had nothing to lose by giving it a try. Even if I failed (more on that later), I wasn’t going to lose any money.

So I did it. I stepped out of my comfort zone. And it got me thinking about how often people are encouraged to get out of their comfort zone. You see it on those silly self-help motivational posters, usually of someone standing before a forked road or a cliff (kinda scary, don’t you think?).

Like so many trendy catchphrases, “comfort zone” has a different meaning to each individual and is really quite vague when you think about it. To one person, getting out of their comfort zone might be quitting their job and starting their own business. Or bungee jumping. To another person, it might be as simple as trying a new cuisine.

Ah, food…let’s digress here. My favorite is Italian. After having grown up feasting on Italian food, how could it not be? Is there really any other kind of food? But I do like other cuisines. I love Chinese and Greek. I’ve tried and liked Vietnamese and Mexican. Ethiopian? Not so much. Same with Southern barbeque and Thai. And I don’t understand the prevailing foodie sentiment that dictates only when the food scorches your digestive track from tongue to anus are you truly an adventurous eater. I like some heat in my food, but since I was born with a sensitive stomach I can only take so much spice. I’ll try new cuisines, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to like it.

Which leads back to my main point. Why this near dictatorial mandate that everyone must get out of his or her comfort zone? My feeling is that if someone is happy and contented in his or her life, then there is no real need to change. Demanding that everyone get out of their comfort zone is judgmental and shows a singular lack of empathy for other people. People will not change their lives by being hectored into doing so.

Now, if someone is unhappy in their circumstances; they have an unbearable job or are in a bad relationship, eventually they will come to that realization and take the necessary steps to make their lives more aligned with what they truly want. It’s not going to happen because someone else or some empty platitude told them to do so. Anytime I’ve tried to advise people (okay, I butted my nose in their business) on how to possibly change their lives, I’ve usually found them to be defensive and sometimes downright nasty to me in return. So I don’t do it anymore. Better for all involved.

There is also this underlying belief in society that only when you do certain things are you getting out of your comfort zone. Starting a new business is considered getting out of your comfort zone. Relocating to a new city is another. So is leaving a bad relationship. That’s all well and good and I wouldn’t discourage anymore from those endeavors if that is what they truly want to do. Yet those actions predispose some conscious control on the part of the individual. What about things that happen out of our control?

How about when someone is forced out of his or her comfort zone because of the death of a loved one? Or a sudden job loss, or the diagnosis of a serious illness? Isn’t that person getting out of their comfort zone? Yet in those instances, the individual is never given their rightful credit for venturing out of their comfort zone and building a whole new life.

In fact, I sometimes think my life since the end of 2009 has been nothing more than a protracted, grueling exercise in getting out of my comfort zone: job loss; 16 months searching for a new job; found a job and had to learn a whole new industry; lost that job; looking for a new job that if? when? I get it will most likely entail learning a whole new industry and set of tasks. Oh joy! Oh bliss! Yet rather than seeing me as someone who is dealing/has dealt with some rough situations and is trying mightily to find a job and a new path in life, I’m seen as a loser who can’t tie her own shoelaces. That’s really unfair.

People also fail to realize that simply getting out of your comfort zone doesn’t mean it will go as planned. The way I see it, three things can happen when you make a plan: You can succeed spectacularly; you’ll succeed, but not as spectacularly as you hoped; or you will fail miserably.

Spectacular success is never guaranteed, but neither is utter failure. It’s more likely the outcome falls between those two extremes. For that we should be grateful. Instead, we’re unhappy with nothing less than a stunning triumph and we then fall into a familiar pattern of blaming outside forces. The problem, as I see it, may lie with too-high expectations and too little pre-planning.

We further think if we make one big change in our lives (new job, new partner, new city), everything else in our lives will be better. It’ll all be blue skies and sunshine and happy times. Maybe, maybe not. Years ago, the best and most realistic advice I heard came from a co-worker. She had been through a divorce and was asked by a co-worker who was having marital problems about what she should do. Should she split from her husband? “Same problems. Less money,” was her succinct answer. So a bit of perspective is needed, folks. I know that even if I get a job, it won't change the other deficits in my life (although maybe, just maybe I can move to a new apartment and get a Fiat 500).

Yet that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. Getting back to that freelance assignment, I did okay. In baseball parlance, I didn’t hit a homerun; more like a bloop single over second base. I did have a difficult time completing the assignment for a variety of reasons, but I’m not going to use that as an excuse. When asked to redo the project, I did so and acted professionally throughout (something, I’m ashamed to admit, I haven’t always done in the past). Because, despite what my former and potential employers might think, I'm a true pro who can get the job done, no matter how difficult, if given the chance.

I don't regret taking the assignment. At a time when my life is overcast with financial strain, uncertainty and repeated rejections, I can take a pinch of pride in trying something new, getting out of my comfort zone, and knowing at least I didn't completely muck it up. That gives me a modicum of confidence to try new things in the future. 

Perhaps the best way to look at getting out of one’s comfort zone is as a learning experience. If it went well, what was it that made it so? How can you replicate that in other facets of your life? If it didn’t go well, where could you have done a better job? All that can only help you in building a better life and making you a better person.

Yet I can certainly understand how habit and fear of the unknown can trap someone in a “comfort zone” that is restrictive and quite possibly destructive. Again, it’s up the person to decide to stay or go, to make a change or not. It’s not going to happen because you or I badgered them into making a life-changing transformation.

So for anyone contemplating a life change, a new job, a new lifestyle, or even trying a new restaurant, I say go for it. Even if it doesn’t turn out as you may have hoped, you will have learned a heck of a lot in the process.

But one thing is for sure: I will never bungee jump.