The Corporation Made Me Do It

Back in the ‘60s there was a TV show called “Laugh In.” (Yes, I’m that old.) It was basically a quick comedy-sketch show; think of “Saturday Night Live” on speed. It was also the show that launched Goldie Hawn’s career.

The program spawned a number of popular catch phrases, like Here comes the judge! Another one was, The devil made me do it.

In 2012, I think we can change that to, The Corporation Made Me Do It. Because in our No-Fault times, somebody else is always to blame for our failings, be it cheating, deliberately hurting another person, or running a company into the ground and having to lay off scores of workers.

Soon after I was laid off, an acquaintance who gave me freelance work told me my former boss told him that he really didn’t want to lay me off. The implication being that somebody else higher up in the company forced him to do it. In other words, The Corporation Made Me Do It.

Well, as my late mother would say, bull throw.

I’m sure our parent company told him to cut staff and products, but it was up to him and the other managers to decide who stayed and who was cut. From what I saw, they pretty much kept their drinking buddies and handpicked lapdogs.

He could have kept me if he wanted. But he chose to keep another editor with less seniority and less experience in the industry. Why? Because she is, like him, a heavy drinker and somebody he knew would never question his edicts.

The whole thing stinks of what Jacqueline on the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” calls blame shifting. Like blaming a bad economy for layoffs. Or too much regulation...or my mother was a bitch. Somebody or something else is always to blame for our failures. It's time we took responsibility for our actions and accept the consequences. 

Yes, the recession forced a lot of companies to cut staff. But not all did. My former boss was too busy going to happy hours to figure out a way to save the company. When the economy crashed, he simply took the easy way out and cut staff.

Yet simply cutting staff only eliminates expenses; it doesn’t automatically make a company profitable.

And if a company like the one I used to work for depended on advertising revenue, why not try to find new sources of revenue? Or perhaps what they really needed was new ad salespeople.

But, no, only one low-level salesperson was let go. The blithering idiot who is supposed to be the head of sales was kept because–you guessed it—he was the boss’s favorite drinking buddy.

There is also this theory that it is just as hard for companies to let go of workers and how painful it is for managers to let go of staff. Again, bull throw.

I can understand how it would be difficult to tell someone they are being laid off. But to equate it with what the dumped employee is going through is a stretch. For what is merely a bad hour or so in your day can lead to months and years of unemployment for the person you are terminating. There is no comparison. You still have a job, health insurance and the possibility of getting a raise.

And to act like we’re not supposed to be upset about it is also unrealistic.

But I’d like to tell you a God’s-honest, swear on my parent’s gravesite true story. The head of the parent company of my former workplace used to write a blog. Soon after I and others were laid off, there was an item about the cuts in one of those media gossip sites. (I didn’t give them the information, but my former boss blamed me anyway.)

Someone in the larger company saw the item and commented about it in the CEO’s blog, asking if cuts were coming in her department, too. (Such empathy! I mean, who cares about the poor slobs who were laid off. What about me?)

The CEO wrote back that no one else was going to get laid off. (Whew!) That our department was hard hit by the economy and he was sorry to see so many talented people let go.

Oh, yes, by all means, dump the talented workers and keep the morons.

But that isn’t what bothered me the most. What really irked me was his false sympathy for us, the people he threw out of jobs. He obviously didn’t care. He wanted to get rid of the entire department, which sent my immediate boss into a panic of willy-nilly staff cuts to save himself and his drinking buddies.

Like my boss, he wanted to protect his larger part of the company, which wasn’t doing very well financially either. It must be grand to get other people to take the fall so you can save yourself and don't have to assume responsibility for your poor decisions. My former boss is still there. Any other CEO who presided over the near collapse of a company would have been long gone.

Ah, but there is the Rule of Karma. About two years ago, that CEO resigned from the company. No specific reason was given (there never is), but it was pretty obvious he was forced out because the company was doing poorly.

So what goes around, comes around…

The Firing Season

Ah, fall. A time of tumbling orange leaves, pumpkins and apple cider, tweed and corduroy, cooler weather (except somebody forgot to tell the humidity here in the mid-Atlantic), and football (go Jets!).

It’s a time of crisp bright days that seem to close in as the daylight sneaks out earlier and earlier.

It’s also a time of hurricanes and mass layoffs.

It’s true. Nearly every time my former company undertook layoffs it was during the fall season, usually around Thanksgiving (as was the case with my sister), or in my case, Christmas.

It makes sense: The All White Males Club at every company is currently budgeting for next year. What better time to get expenses down by laying off employees now so they don’t have to pay them into the new year.

So watch the employment numbers that come out in the next few months. Don’t be surprised if the unemployment rolls suddenly spike.

I used to love the fall. It was always my favorite season; never could get adjusted to the heat of summer or driving in snow in winter.

Now, while I welcome the cooler temps, I wonder and worry: Will it happen again this year? Will I be one of the workers deemed expendable by my employer?

Because although autumn has many admirable qualities, it does portend that winter is coming.

And it just may be a long, cold winter for many of us.

Confessions of a Free-Food Junkie

I admit it. I’m a shameless whore for free food.

I cannot tell you how many times I have embarrassed myself, family, friends and co-workers with my uncontrollable urge to get any kind of vittles gratis.

Now, that doesn’t mean I steal from the office fridge. Never. And I always pay my own way when having lunch or dinner with a friend.

What I’m talking about are scarfing down free food samples at grocery stores and the mall food court. Whatever they offer, I’ll bite. Even if I don’t particularly like it. Cause, hey, it’s free!

Now what does this have to do with employment (or unemployment) in the 2010s? Well, it goes back to a previous post on how my employer is too cheap to let we mere cubicle serfs have free water bottles. Oh, no, those are only reserved for upper management and visitors.

So the other day, the All While Males Club at my office had a meeting. Because it would be too much to ask the big kahunas to go out and pay for their own lunch, a platter of sandwiches was ordered. Heavens! We can’t let them get too peckish while they decide who stays and who gets laid off.

I was working late that day. And I saw the half-full sandwich platter in the fridge. Being hungry, as I always am, yep, I took half a sandwich. I ate it. For free.

No one noticed, and the next day the platter was left out with a sign inviting everyone to take a sandwich if they wanted. A day later. Just enough time for the salmonella to set in. I didn’t take one that day, although I availed myself of the fruit that was also ordered along with the sandwiches.

But it got me thinking again how cheap employers are. Why not order two or three platters for the entire office? Would it have cost that much more? Maybe, or maybe not.

It also reeks like rotten cheese of the disdain upper management has for their workers. We don’t even deserve an occasional free lunch? Only the high and mighty, the ones with the highest salaries, get that perk?

So next time you see leftover food from one of their silly meetings, I say, go for it. Grab that free food with gusto. It may be one of the few benefits you will ever get from those cheap bastards.

Burp!

Workplace Tragedy

This is a very difficult entry for me to write.

By now, most everyone has read about the laid-off worker who killed his former colleague outside the Empire State Building in New York City.

This is a tragedy for the victim’s family, of course. I don’t want to minimize the pain they must be going through.

However, the minute I heard this story, I thought (selfishly, I admit), “Oh, no, now everyone is going to assume that all laid-off workers are crazy. Just another reason for companies not to hire unemployed people.”

But let’s get the facts straight. From what I read, the person who did this shooting obviously had mental problems. He and the person he shot had had physical altercations at the workplace in the past. So my question is, did someone from the HR department try to mediate that situation? I cannot hold an HR person responsible for spotting an unhinged employee who may be prone to violence, but if two workers have a physical altercation in the office that is a pretty obvious sign there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

It also seemed, from the stories I read after the shooting, that he was an isolated person. Perhaps if there were a relative or friend he could have spoken to about his upset after the layoff, he may have sought counseling, or gotten help in finding another job.

It further seems to me that this was a troubled man who was possibly pushed over the edge by losing his job. We can never know for sure. The man was laid off a year before the shooting, which would indicate his life was in a downward spiral for quite some time.

But to lump all laid-off workers as crazy because of this one incident is wrong and an unfair slime on the millions of good workers who lost their jobs through no fault of their own. It reminds me of movies back in the ‘70s and ‘80s when all the villains were crazed Vietnam veterans.

Nearly every laid-off worker I know simply packs up their desk, applies for unemployment and tries to find another job. They did not buy a gun and shoot up their former workplace. (The incident also points to the need for better gun control, but that’s for another blog.)

Of the people I worked with who were laid off, the only one who came remotely close to doing anything hostile was a jettisoned co-worker who wrote nasty emails to a former boss. His actions were unfortunate and ill-advised and he was slapped with a cease and desist order. I agree, he should never have written those emails. But I don’t think his actions ever crossed over into threatening or violent. I think he was more angry and frustrated and expressed it in the only way he could.

For the record, I do not condone physical violence of any sort and will never own a gun. Verbal snaps are about as far as I’ll go and by any standard, my heated comments are rare, pretty mild and never insulting. And no, despite my anger over being let go, I think unfairly, I never wrote any nasty emails to former co-workers. What would be the point?

But back to the shooting in New York City. Several articles after the incident did say that losing one’s job is a traumatic experience and care should be taken when letting workers go. Companies, though, seem to think it's not a big deal and is only being done to save their own skins. They don't care what laid-off employees think or feel. So who's really the bad person?

Yet I concede it would be hard for any HR person to know which employee will snap and resort to violence after they lose their job.

Nevertheless, in this instance, there were some definite indications this man was troubled. As I said before, this man got into a physical fight with the co-worker he eventually killed. How could an HR person miss that sign? Part of their job is to handle workplace disputes; it involves more than just making sure forms are signed correctly so the company can legally lay off employees. Most employer health plans have mental health hotlines, so why wasn’t this man referred to one after he got into that fight?

As far as workers having grievances against their employers, one commentator pointed out that most workers today are being mistreated and overworked by their companies. Yet nearly all do not snap or resort to violence.

And if companies are so worried about violence against them by the people they so callously dump, there are some very simple solutions to that potential problem:

• Make sure your company is run properly so there is enough revenue to keep good workers employed.
• Treat us with respect.

That’s not too much to ask, is it?