Damned if You Do…

Being unemployed can be quite confusing and stressful.

To collect our unemployment checks, we are expected to look for work, but not actually do work. This leaves us between a rock and a hard place.

During my jobless stretch, I’ve done some freelance writing. As long as I deduct the days I’ve worked from my weekly claim, I can collect unemployment checks.

However, something came up last week that could put my unemployment benefits in jeopardy. Since I’ve been out of work for over a year, I had to resubmit my claim.

Applying over the phone for unemployment benefits is always confusing, but I also spoke to a New York State Department of Labor employee. I admitted I have done some freelance work in the past year. The state probably has the 1099 tax form on file, so it would know about it anyway.

The gentleman said he had to send a letter to the company I freelance for on an occasional basis to make sure I was not a full-time staffer or a contractor.

But now I’m worried. Can the state cut off my jobless benefits because I do some occasional freelance writing, which, really, doesn’t pay much?

No one can live on unemployment checks alone. We need some extra cash. But I cannot live on freelance gigs either. In one year, I’ve made less than $3,000.

Plus, HR officers—the people who seemingly control our lives—don’t like to see “gaps” in our employment history. (You would think the fact we were laid off during the worst recession since the Great Depression would explain those gaps, but they don’t seem to comprehend that reality.)

Therefore, I’ve been freelancing to keep up my skills and show some current writing samples.

Yet if the state threatens to stop my unemployment benefits, I’ll have to stop freelancing and how will I explain the “gap” between jobs? I’ll appear to be what most HR people think unemployed people are: lazy bums who don’t want to work.

Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to get a full-time job and get off unemployment. Who needs this agita?

It’s quite a Catch 22. Damned if you do work, damned if you don’t.

My sister was in the same situation. She had to reapply for her benefits in Pennsylvania, but she also works part-time. Because she is a full-time student and needs to work 500 hours in the food service industry for her culinary arts degree, she can still collect unemployment.

Now I have to sweat out a determination by the State of New York Labor Department that could cut off my unemployment benefits with no job offer in sight.

Have any of you out there in unemployed land been confronted by the same situation? What happened? What should I do?

A Change of Clothes

So how exactly are unemployed people supposed to dress?

I know the common perception among the employed and HR circles are that we laze around all day in our pajamas. In my case, I can say that is definitely not so.

Each jobless person has to settle on his or her own daily wardrobe. I bought several pairs of stretchy yoga pants. They were cheap, are comfortable to wear and can be worn outside the house when going to the store or running an errand. Imagine going to the post office in pajamas pants? I don’t think so. Having those yoga pants also came in handy when I went to physical therapy. Leg lengths vary from full (for fall/winter) to capri (for spring/summer). Pair ’em with a t-shirt or hoodie and you’re good to go.

Another good choice is a velour tracksuit. I have two. So much more polished than a ratty old sweatsuit, don’t ya think?

I also believe that the nicer you dress—even casually while unemployed—the better you feel about yourself.

When I do go out, I sometimes see women dressed in work clothes and high heels. I feel a little jealous. Again, a reminder of my jobless status.

Of course, I do dress up for interviews. It’s sometimes nice to wear a professional outfit. Although I must admit, the high heels kill my feet. Guess I’ve gotten accustomed to wearing comfortable shoes.

I’m not one for fancy party clothes, but I did manage to put together a respectable work wardrobe that is now gathering dust in my closet.

Someday I hope to wear those clothes again.

Bah Humbug,Part II

Since this is my second Christmas without a job, I figured I’d impart some advice to the unemployed during the season of overspending.

First, do not suspend your job search. Keep searching. True, companies may wait to fill positions until after the holidays, but that’s no reason not to get your resume in front of those doing the hiring. You may face less competition from those who have decided to wait until January to apply for jobs. Just today I went on a job interview.

Yes, the holidays can be stressful even under the best of circumstances. There is so much pressure to find the perfect gift and have the perfect family gathering. Add to that the anxiety of trying to find a way to buy gifts without a steady paycheck, and it’s Bah Humbug time indeed.

But you can get through the holidays (without resorting to too much alcohol) and even buy gifts for friends and family. Here’s how:

Use Your Points. I’ve mentioned this before (“The Point System”), but it bears repeating. Use the points you’ve amassed on your credit cards to get gift cards. I got $120 worth of gift cards by redeeming my points. You can get gift cards for department stores and restaurants. There is sure to be something a family member or friend will like.

Make a List…and Cut it Twice. It’s sad but inevitable, but some people will have to be left off your list this year. But the good news is you won’t have to buy gifts for former backstabbing co-workers or duplicitous bosses.

Set a Limit. In my case, I spent more on my immediate family. But for all others, I set a limit of $5 on each gift.

Wait Till Next Year. After the holidays, buy half-price Christmas cards or ornaments. If by some miracle you have a job next year, you will have saved some money on those items.

Should You Re-Gift? HELL YES! Just make sure you are not passing on something that is obvious crap. (Jars of jelly? Really?) If it’s something you think another person will enjoy or can use, why not?

If You Can’t, Don’t. Look, your family and friends know your situation and will understand if you don’t get them a gift this year. In this season of spend, spend, spend, it’s easy to forget that we give gifts because we want to, not because we’re obligated to. As much as we would like to buy everyone a great present, sometimes we simply cannot. This is one of those times.

And buying fewer presents means less time in the stores and having to listen to those irritating Christmas jingles.

So, try to enjoy the holidays as best you can. Spend time with family and friends and remember the holidays aren’t about the presents or even goodwill toward men.

The holidays are about one thing only: THE FOOD!

Read This Article!

Never has an article better summed up the plight of the unemployed in 2010: http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Unemployed-and-Likely-to-Stay-nytimes-4054267660.html?x=0&.v=1

It’s all there: the growing numbers of long-term unemployed; the frustration job seekers face; and how that frustration can become despair and hopelessness.

My only quibble with the article is that it repeats the misconception that unemployed people were laid off because of poor performance. I don’t know how we can fight against that perception. (However, there is a quote from a business owner that refutes that assertion. Good for him.)

I concede there may be some workers that were terminated because they were not doing a competent job. But not as many as people think. The vast majority of jobless lost their positions due to a poor economy, falling company revenues and the misfortune of not having their lips attached to their supervisors’ posteriors. Or they were in a profession—such as journalism—that is in a period of massive change or decline.

It’s like we are being stigmatized for being out of work, when, in reality, it’s the companies that should be stigmatized for doing so poorly that they had to let a great number of good workers go.

Yes, I understand that HR people don’t like to see “gaps” in a person’s employment history. But certainly they read the papers and understand the shape the economy is in these days. How can they hold it against us for being laid off and having difficulty finding work? After all, they are the ones who don’t want to hire us.

That being said, I’ve made sure to do some freelance work to at least keep my writing skills and bylines current.

While we struggle to make ends meet on our measly unemployment benefits, our former bosses get big bonuses and kudos from Wall Street analysts because profits are up. Did it ever occur to these dolts that corporate profits are up simply because they laid off so many workers? It’s sure not due to any innovative revenue enhancers they may have devised. From what I’ve seen after working in the corporate world, bosses are not that smart.

We did nothing wrong. We went to college, got advanced degrees, worked hard and paid our taxes. Now, we are treated like lepers.

The article makes a good point about the U.S. becoming like Europe, where countries have become accustomed to a large underclass of unemployed citizens. If that’s the case, then this country better be ready to pay the high taxes citizens in those countries pay.

So what’s the solution? Extending unemployment benefits is a start, although perhaps benefits should be cut off after a maximum of 99 weeks. But my opinion on that issue may change.

How about more dollars for career training at local community colleges? Give every unemployed person a voucher worth a maximum of two years of training at the community college level, in whatever field they choose.

My sister is going to her local community college to become a chef. She took out a loan to pay her tuition, but why not make it free? In the short term, the cost may be great. Longer term, the country will reap the benefits of having more people actually employed.

Once my sister is done, she will get a job in food service and become a productive, tax-paying citizen again.

I’m not sure the same can be said of her sister.

Bad Anniversary

One year ago today, I was laid off from my job. Not an anniversary I ever wished to commemorate, but the day has come.

December 3 was the day I was told to pack up my desk and leave after toiling for more than 16 years with the same company. December 7 is the day I officially began my unemployment. Talk about a day that will live in infamy!

Did I ever think I would still be unemployed for a year? Given the ongoing recession and the difficulty of getting hired in the publishing industry, no, I can’t say I’m surprised. Saddened, but not surprised.

I’m sure not alone. Just the other day I went to a family gathering, and nearly everyone I talked to spoke of a friend or neighbor who had been laid off from his or her job after decades of employment at a company.

I’ve lived during periods of recession before this, but I was employed. I would only read about massive layoffs and not think much of it. How could I have been so uncaring? I wasn’t smug (as some I encounter now are). It just didn’t touch me personally, so it wasn’t something on the top of my mind. Never again will I be so cavalier. After having been through a layoff, I have only empathy for those who have lost their jobs through no fault of their own.

In this past year, I’ve experienced myriad emotions: anger, frustration, unhappiness, insecurity, self-doubt, disappointment, fear, sadness, rejection, dejection, overwhelmed, hurt, depression, confusion, anxiety, shame, resentment, embarrassment, boredom, sadness, loneliness and, yes, I hate to admit, self-pity (not good, I know). So many emotions…and way too much time to think about them.

I sometimes want to cry. But I don’t, because I know if I start, the tears will never stop. I don’t sleep well and the circles under my eyes have gotten darker. I get upset over silly things that I know are unimportant. I’m more irritable: Were there so many bad drivers out there before I got laid off? And don’t get me started on the sound of Christmas carols!

I suppose that is all part of what a person goes through when he or she loses a job.

It hits me hardest in the morning, just after I open my eyes to the grainy gray light of pre-dawn. I start asking myself questions that I will never get an answer to: Why was I let go while others stayed? Was I a bad employee? Will I ever find a job again? What will I do when my unemployment runs out and I still have no job? How long will my savings last? What will happen when my COBRA benefits expire and I still have no job? How can I ever pay for health insurance on my own?

Over and over in my mind I think about all the mistakes I made—big and small—and wonder if that was why I was terminated. Could I have done anything differently that would have saved me from the ax?

But I know that it is torture to think that way. I will never know why I was let go. All I know is that I have to deal with the situation as it is, no matter how painful.

What’s most destructive about unemployment is what it does to a person’s sense of self worth. One day, I was, or thought I was, a competent professional woman, commuting to the city, and supporting herself. But within a dizzying short period of time, I become an unemployed loser that no one wants to hire. It’s amazing how swiftly one’s fortunes can change.

I took pride in my ability to do my job competently. Although I don’t have a family of my own, I was always proud of the fact that could support myself as a single woman. Not anymore. Those feelings of assurance in my skill to do a job and status in life are gone, possibly forever.

I remember how my bosses began to treat me differently about two months before I was laid off. It was so sudden it was truly shocking. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I couldn’t find another job quickly. But I also knew if I slacked off my situation would be made even worse. And I thought that maybe, just maybe if I kept doing a good job in the face of their nastiness, I wouldn’t be let go. What an idiot I was to think that! Nothing would have saved me.

I don’t know if I will ever feel secure in my professional abilities again. At the very least, it’s going to take quite a while to restore my self-confidence. As much as I hope to get a job, I can’t help but wonder if I will succeed at a new position. Will I fail or get callously laid off at the first hint of a revenue shortfall?

Yes, I admit I’m bitter. Get used to it. People tell me I shouldn’t feel that way and that I should just get over it and move on. That I’ll never get another job unless I stop being negative. Well, that’s easier said than done. I am trying, really, but a big part of “getting over it” would be to get a job and that hasn’t materialized yet.

“Oh, you’ll find something” is a common comment from my employed friends. But after a year of looking and dimming hopes of ever getting a job, it’s becoming harder and harder to believe that.

And did you ever notice the people who tell you such things are employed? Unless you’ve been laid off, you can’t understand how someone who has been does feel and what that individual has been through, the rejection and isolation we’ve experienced firsthand.

I recently spoke to former colleague who, like me, was laid off from the company I used to work for after a decade. He is doing fine, getting a lot of freelance work. (He is also semi-retired and gets Social Security payments. I’m not in that position.) But he said that while he is over what happened to him, he still sometimes wonders why he was laid off in such a cruel manner. The sting of a layoff stays with a person for a long, long time, maybe forever.

When I first laid off, I had three goals: freelance (which I have done, albeit even getting a freelance gig is tough); try to get a job in publishing/journalism; and if that didn’t work out, I would look into another profession altogether.

Since I didn’t get my first call for a job interview until six months after I was laid off, I really didn’t have a solid idea of whether I could be employed in publishing or journalism. Since June, I’ve gone on a number of interviews that, while they have yet to yield a job offer, have given me valuable insight into what positions I would be considered qualified to fill. After all, if I’m called in to speak to the HR person or supervisor, they must see something in my resume that piqued their interest, right?

To be fair, there have been a few encouraging signs. Two acquaintances recently got hired after long periods of unemployment. Maybe the job market is loosening up a bit. One can only hope. But one can live on hope for only so long. The longer I stay unemployed, the more difficult it will be for me to get hired again. (More on that later.)

And I don’t feel jealous when I heard of someone else’s success or good fortune in getting in a job. Just wistful for something I thought I once had.

Despite what some may think, unemployed people really do try hard to find a job. In the past year, I’ve sent out an average of two resumes a day. Sometimes more. I’ve reached out to contacts (which yielded me my freelance gig, but not much else). I follow up aggressively on any job lead (without being a stalker). I even paid $300 to get my resume professionally written. Considering the rejection I’ve experienced and how badly I was treated at my previous job, I’ve been admirably persistent. I haven’t given up. Not sure I can say the same a year from now if I still don’t have a job.

And please, let’s debunk the myth that unemployed people are somehow to blame for their predicament. What is most frustrating is the lack of control we had over our job loss. Our fates were decided behind closed doors by the whims of those above us who were more concerned with saving themselves and their cronies. We had no say in the matter, yet we must deal with the consequences of falling revenues and a bad economy.

More and more I’m getting the feeling companies in my field want someone younger for the lowest possible salary. Rather than an experienced journalist and editor, they want a tech whiz who can code copy and simply aggregate content from other sources. Or they want to hire only those who have gone to an Ivy League university. It’s hard not to get discouraged.

Yet we must stay positive! Follow our dreams! (Please note sarcasm in those comments.)

I’ve avoided talking too much about my feelings with family and friends. Except for one minor tiff with my sister, I’ve been restrained in my whining. Besides, people don’t want to hear about your problems; they only want to talk about theirs. Why bother?

So I put on a brave face and don’t talk much about my jobless plight. I keep my true feelings to myself and my blog, where if someone is reading this, he or she can simply go to another web page. And I’m not so self-absorbed that I believe my problems trump everyone else’s. Even when going through a time of personal turmoil, it’s good for the soul to lend an ear to someone else’s troubles.

Mostly, it’s sad to think a career I’ve spend more than 20 years building could now be over because I’ve reached what is deemed by some corporate bean counter a too-high salary level. Or because I don’t know some computer program that I could easily learn if trained properly.

I can’t say I’m optimistic, but I’m not pessimistic either. Realistic is more like it. Getting job interviews is a double-edged sword. It’s great to be called in and it’s hard not to get your hopes up and think, Wow, I could really work for this company. But those hopes are soon dashed when you wait weeks and hear nothing, or get the “we’ve decided to pursue other candidates” email.

I’ve even done some Internet research into who was picked over me. In several instances, I have to admit the person had more of the specialized expertise or background the company was looking for that I lacked. Other times it’s obvious they went with the cheaper candidate (although I’m willing to take a pay cut). But I can say with assurance that I could have done every job (except for one) I interviewed for. Now if I can only get someone to believe that!

Now it may be time to think of another professional avenue. What that is, I cannot say at this time. Perhaps my next step is to the local job center to see what training is available for me.

I have not given into hopelessness and despair. Yet.

It’s been a tough year, what with a job loss, health scare and continual professional rejection.

Here’s hoping for a better 2011 for all of us looking for merely the chance to work.

But when this is all over and I have a job (I hope!), I’m still gonna want to smack my former bosses in the face for putting me through this terrible time.